When I was going through my email messages today and realized I had an unread message from my nephew waiting for me in Messenger. In that instant, when I read each individual word and my mind finally clicked, catching up with what my eyes just read I was stuck. For 20 years I’ve been wanting to tell him about something very important that I feel he has the right to know, except everyone has lied to him about this whole time (is it really a lie when people just omitted the truth?). I guess I’m the only one who felt it necessary that he should know the truth, but I was silenced and shunned by everyone when I confided in them about it. It’s been heavy on my soul for the simple reason that the wrong man received thanks and praise and all the glory for saving his life the night it happened. And I don’t understand why. Why no one spoke up on behalf of the real hero that night. It wasn’t the guy who publicly received accommodation for it in front of news cameras standing there like a poser, a liar, a cheat who prayed on the praise everyone was giving him because of his presence on scene that night. It was a house fire and he’s a fireman who was doing his fucking job fighting that fire. The fire that took his family from him, took all he knew and loved. He’s already been through enough. Why continue to hide something as important as that from him? Something I feel with my whole heart he has the right to know, more so than anyone I know.
My nephew grew up wanting to be a fireman himself and he did. Fellow firemen and close family held a ceremony the day he was welcomes into the local fire station. The exact day this ‘fireman’, this ‘hero’ also had the nerve to stand there, in front of all those news cameras, reporting live mind you, and gave him the helmet which he wore the night he lied about, along with every fucking body else, saving his life!
I’m getting off course here so let me get back on track.
After I opened the email notification saying I had an unread message from him, I clicked the link directing me to the Messenger app. It was only a one sentence reply, but that one sentence meant more to me than anybody will ever know. I can’t remember exactly how long it’s been since I’ve seen him since that night. I sent him a message, praying for a response, back on June 27th. My message was so long it was like i sent him a book (because I text/message how I talk so needless to say it was pretty damn long). The day I sent it I was in my head thinking and feeling deeply, reflecting on times long past that I miss so much.
I could’ve sworn I dreamt about him responding to me, only to find it to be true. A dream, come true. I started typing right away because I knew some time had passed without me checking any messages, I had. I quickly told him I was just seeing it today. Hell, I didn’t even have the app on my phone. I do now though. Bet your ass on that. I guess some time passed before I received his second response because I had to lay down and take a nap because I’ve been so exhausted. When I woke up, I instantly checked to see if I had any more messages from him. And I did. It may have only been another sentence but like I said earlier I’ll gladly take that over no communication at all. My heart is feeling something it hasn’t felt in 20 years, and I don’t really know what to do with it or how to talk about it. I just know that it’s a good thing, a wonderful thing. So wonderful that I’m extremely grateful to have received.
So, there it is. I finally got it out. Now I’m going to end this telling all of you to have a good night, sweet dreams, and say your prayers. God bless.