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Sandra H.

Forgiven

Hi. My name is Sandra, and I’ve lived next door to Tina for a long time now. Once upon a time long enough ago we were in active addiction together. Her favorite was downers and always has been, and mine was/is stimulants. Anything to keep me going is what I liked/preferred over anything else. I mean, don’t get me wrong I’ve done my fair share of other drugs as well but for some reason it always led me right back to using meth.

One night while she was outside walking her dog, she decided to come into my house uninvited and she stole my script of Alprazolam/Xanax 1mg. She was so messed up she thought she was being super quiet, but was actually quite loud. I thought it was one of my kids playing around. So, I went to sneak up on them and catch them. Instead I caught Tina in my living room.

I must admit it scared me a little seeing this person whose bigger than me in my living room late at night, until I realized it was her. That made the fear disappear completely. She’s always been a good friend to me even in her active addiction. After asking what she was doing over so late (when she already knew my husband at the time didn’t really care too much for her) she made up an excuse of getting ‘crunch bars’ the next day and wanted to let me know incase I wanted to get any. Letting her know, in as nice a way as possible, we’d talk about it then, when my husband was at work, and it was daytime. I then escorted her to the door, making sure she made it outside safely, then checking to be  sure I double locked the door after.

As I started walking back to my bedroom, I noticed I left my purse in the living room. It was right there as plain as day leaning against the wall. All of a sudden I got that feeling in the pit of my stomach that told me my medicine was gone, having just walked out the front door. Saying I was mad just doesn’t even come close to how I really felt.

The next thing I know I’m headed over to her place and I have a sharp ass kitchen knife in my hand. I don’t really remember grabbing the knife because I’m absolutely positive I was so mad I blacked out. When I checked my purse, I noticed my medicine was missing as well as my sons. I think that’s what lit the fire under my ass even more, burning it hotter and hotter until I was walking in an anger fueled, energetic, crazy pissed off kinda way, ready for any type of confrontation she might come at me with. I was so upset and disappointed with her. I can’t even put this situation into words. It was emotionally damaging to our friendship, and as far as I was concerned that friendship was now over. Some other things happened that I won’t go into detail about, I’ll just say she knew I was beyond pissed off. To the point she left me no choice but to call on her and report the theft of mine and my sons meds.

She was eventually arrested and charged with Burglary 2nd degree. She was sentenced to total of 7-years, because she was out on bond with an ankle monitor on her for a catastrophic DUI when she pulled this stupid stunt. After about 1-year of her incarceration I lost my husband in a terrible car accident. I received an 8 page letter from her, apologizing to me and sending me her deepest sympathies. She never even knew about my loss until a friend of mine got arrested and was housed in the same cell with her, who was able to inform Tina that  I did receive and read her letter. However, I also chose to forgive her.

When she was finally released, after serving almost 4-years, she got the nerve and came knocking on my door. When I stepped outside to speak with her she began crying instantly, telling me that the Tina who stole from me, wasn’t the Tina I’d first met. I made sure she knew I understood because I’ve been there before myself. I’m so proud of the person she’s become. She even thanked me and told me I saved her life by pressing charges on her. If I hadn’t she’d have died because she’d eaten 180 pills in less than 48 hours. I’m not talking about some weak ass pill like a tylenol 3. I’m talking about very strong benzodiazepines. In all actuality she should never have been able to walk a straight line much less break into my house.

She’s still here today for a reason, and that’s to help others, like we’re trying not to be, any more. The struggle is real. But so is Tina Peck in creating this website trying to reach out to people she understands and knows how to listen to while they speak of their problems. Plus, she’s always ready with a response of some great advice. I can’t count the number of times she’s been there for me.

Please, give it a shot. What have you got to lose by calling Safe-Space and talking either directly to her, or one of the many volunteers that work there? Nothing. That’s what. Reach out. You’re so not alone.

Eye 4 Color
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