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Hello. This is SafeSpace

Hello. This is SafeSpace

I have combined two (2) of my most favorite subjects together here on WordPress.com. I’ve made the appearance of my blog look like my daily journal and personal notebook. Containing things I’ve written and things I’m going to write. While having at the same time created the pages of my new site. Putting it out there for the entire world to know about. So that I’ll one day be able to help others in the way I wasn’t helped. I’m a very hard-headed person and for me it took jails, and institutions to learn the right way. I would like to be the one to try an help you before it reaches that point for you to learn your’s.

I’m the most bass-ackwards person you’ll meet or talk to. Probably in your entire life. I think? Maybe? I’m not saying that like I’m meaning, “I’m the shit”. Nope. Not that at all. Instead, I mean “Huh?”. My very normal, very real and awkward, ditzy, stuttering, plain ol’ hot mess self. #EasilyConfused

Proudly Introducing: Nicholas Enrique Rodriguez Clark. He’s my oldest child, and he’ll be 22 years old this year already. He’s has continued to stick by my side even when nobody else would. He is also the most caring and nurturing child. He took care of his little sister, being a semi-authorative figure to her growing up. He’s completely and utterly loyal to me. Even during the times when I didn’t deserve it. (Momma loves you Bubba)
Proudly Introducing: My daughter, Mercedes Marie Spees. She’s pictured with her first child, and also my first grandchild. Lukah Neal Spees.
My Precius BabyBoy & 1st Grandchild: Lukah Neal Spees.

What People Say …

People are going to say a mixture of things both good and bad. Freedom of speech. Can’t mess with it. What they choose to say, or when they say it.

#FreedomOfSpeech

Since my past has many demons. I do not have a credible history of being known to tell the truth or do the right things. I have broken the law getting into trouble several times. Each time I have paid my dues, and served the sentence handed down to me. It took me several trips to the county jail, an then finally going to prison. Being locked down in a cell 23 hrs – 24 hrs a day (depending if it was too hot or too cold) isn’t fun at all whatsoever. Having only your mind and the guilt of what you did swirling inside your head. Screaming at you. You messed up. Yet “AGAIN”. I’ve been given chance after chance to redeem myself. Only to end in utter failure. Then right back to being locked up.

Now though, after having many years to be inside myself going over my thoughts. Having reflected back on the things I did that led me to where I was, and I realized I not only needed to grow up, but to just … “Stop”. Then one day I told myself I know I have a story worthy enough to share with the entire world. Starting with Facebook, I wanted more people to know. No hesitation what-so-ever in the decision to create this site.

TESTIMONIALS : (100% TRUE Story of Forgiveness)

Pictured left: Myself & Sandra Harper (victim of burglary I did) It was after my release from prison that I wanted to talk to her the most. When I was still in the county jail I wrote her an 8pg letter asking her forgiveness for what I had done. I also apologized for her loss of her husband. That also happened to her her after I was incarcerated. I finally got up the nerve to make myself go knock on her door and tell her I was sorry to her face. At first I was nervous. Telling myself she wasn’t home, or that no way she’d wanna listen to anything I had to say after betraying her like I did. But guess what? Not only was she home, but she opened her door seeing it was me. After she stepped out onto the back steps, I began crying. I then looked her in the eye and apologized. I apologized for not only breaking in, but for stealing from her as well. When she accepted my apology it felt like a ton of bricks fell from my chest. A huge load of relief and gratitude washed over me. Then she opened her arms, enveloping me in a nice, warm embrace. Reassuring me that all was forgiven. Telling me that’s all she ever wanted from jump to begin with. My admission and my apology. Not once did she judge me. If anything she sympathized. She knew firsthand herself what addiction was. She also knew the person that broke into her home, and stole from her wasn’t the Tina she knew and met in the beginning. We are back to being the best of friends and confidantes. Working beside each other on the daily. Literally! At the same fast-food joint. Who woulda ever thought?

#Blessed100%Forgiven

I don’t know how many people ‘feel’ in color. But I do. Having no idea if anyone can understand what I mean by that. But I don’t know what else I can say to describe what I mean. I know it probably sounds wierd as hell. However, it’s completely true. I don’t feel in color all the time. Which is why I use other outlets, such as my writing. Another talent for me to let go of unwanted things inside of my head. Your thoughts are only that. Thoughts. It’s when we act on those ‘thoughts’, that we get into trouble. I let them take control which makes me run on my emotions. Searching for the nearest substance that’ll make me forget about those unwanted, unstable, steadily barage of thoughts. The ones that nag the shit outta me. Now instead of using. I pick up my pen, grab my notebook or some loose-leaf paper and write all the shit down. Getting it out and onto the paper helps. Seeing my thoughts transformed into words, makes them seem less intimidating. To me at least. And that’s what matters most. That they aren’t bothering me any longer. They are only words now. No longer unwanted, negative, black murky thoughts. Which they were before I formed them into the beautiful words in which they turn. Or, as pictured above. Splashed and splattered into various colors that I feel inside of me. When I drew this particular peice I was in such a great mood. I also had a good day at work, which continued after I got home that afternoon. It carried over, even into the next day. That I was truly grateful for. Having a hobby is one thing I think can help anyone. Taking their mind off of things that are bothering them. I lost myself when drawing this peice. Caught up in so many bright colors. I wished everyone could do the same to make them feel better when their thoughts are troubling them.

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