Writing has always and forever been an outlet for me. For as long as I can remember, I have always been addicted to reading, and writing. I used to journal for years growing up. 1,000’s upon 1,000’s of journaling notebooks, jus filled up wit all my thoughts and feelings. When I was sad, pissed off, depressed, either about a current boyfriend or ex an my fee-fee’s on that. Jus anything that would pop into this head of mine that meant a lot to me, or something serious to me. I always wrote about it.
There were times when my hand would be hurting from writing so much, that I had to stop. Only then to pick up reading by playing school, an I was the teacher. My dad gave me this piece of wood, an it was a pretty good size too. I’d put it across my legs with it setting on top of my legs. Then I had been given some old school books my sister had found in the house she’d moved into. Except I had the teachers books, so you already know I was teaching a reading class. I’d scribble on some scrap paper pretending to be grading papers, or doing very busy paperwork. I even would pretend some of the kids were raising their hands an I even call on them, making names up as I went along. I even had bad kids in class. I made it as real as I could get it. Because I loved pretending playing that main thing SO much. It was better when you had someone to play with you cuz then you could pretend they did something bad so you’d get to punish them. After school detention for you! Lol!
My all time absolute most FAVORITE though is being a mom. I know it probably sounds cheesy as hell, but seriously, I mean every word of that. Throughout my kids entire childhood, I was in active addiction full on. They have seen me nod out with cigs in my hand, burning holes in my clothes all the time. Falling asleep in my food, then having them take it from me, making me go to bed so I could sleep it off. This is so hard to actually admit that I wasn’t a good mom. Oh, in my heart I was perfect. You couldn’t tell me no different either. I was always on my children’s level when it came to having fun. Always going swimming, letting them watch tv when falling asleep at night even though they were actually jumping from each other’s bed. I had an absolute blast and was a great new born baby and toddler momma. I wasn’t a good mother though at all. To this day my kids hate taking pills. I think it’s great they didn’t do the complete opposite and follow in my footsteps. It stopped with me I can only hope and pray. My Baby-Girl would rather cramp to the point of crying, before she’ll even take an ibuprofen. My son is the same way. He has taken narcotic pain meds before but generally all of them make him so sick he feels like he’s dying. I’m glad they are like that though when it comes to taking medication. I just hate that I was the example of why NOT to get addicted or to take them period. So, during my time of incarceration I made a vow to God, myself and to my family. That I’d do everything in me to be a different person when I was released. I made a vow instead of a promise. Every time I’ve ever made a promise to them I always ended up breaking it. So the vow, to me, meant way more than any promise ever could. So far I have stuck with it and continued to do great and amazing things during my release. Yes I have made mistakes and I have relapsed. No one is perfect. I can’t say with 100% accuracy that no one EVER relapses after they choose to get sober. I’m sure everyone that’s ever been an addict trying to get clean has slipped up at least once or twice. If I’m wrong about that then I would love to hear your success story. I invite you to share your story here on this site. I am now the mother I should have been since the very beginning. Still not perfect and I know I never will be. I can say however, that I’m more dedicated to living happy and drug free for the remainder of my life than I ever have been before. My kids are currently both living at home with me. My oldest, my son, will be 21 this year and my youngest will finally be 18. She just can’t wait to be considered an adult, legally speaking I mean. Lol. I should have put being a mother as my first fav thing. But I had to learn to grow up and actually be a mother that my kids could call momma before I could say that motherhood was my first favorite thing. It most certainly is now, by far, the most loving and fun filled journey I can say I have ever experienced in my life.
One of the motivational aspects that drove me to create this site, was me wanting to give back so freely what was given to me. I want people to read my stories. Maybe finding comfort in my words telling you that “you’ll get it right one day”. ‘Don’t give up’. Maintain positivity and reach out and share your story right here on this site. That’s why I wanted to make it to begin with. To offer up guidance and support to people just like me, and you.
The longer this site remains to be up, the more I hope to reach out to people all over the world. To have people see it and spread the word. Please share the site’s link for as much traffic as possible. I’d really like for the name of my site to be a common household name one of these fine days. I can dream can’t I? I’d never charge anyone to talk or just listen if that’s what you need. You could also post whatever is on your mind, or troubling you on my blog so your words can and will be heard. Anything you may need to talk it about so you’re able to get those troublesome thoughts off your chest, and out of your mind. I’m a very deep, soulful person and have been my whole life. I have always wanted to make a difference in the world. I just didn’t know how to go about it, or even where to start. Then I got an idea to start a group on Facebook, and it lead me here. Who knows? With this site I may just conquer my dream. Helping people along the way as I grow and gain more knowledge throughout my journey in this thing we call life.