Ever since I lost my only sibling, and my 2-year old nephew way back in ‘2003’, I have often thought of what the present would be like. Especially, if I still had those 2 specific people from my past with me today. In the future I’m living, in this exact moment.
Every time my father ever saw me cry about them after their deaths he’d always say to me that I, “Needed to let the past remain in the past. Let go of all the negativity. You can’t hang onto those sorts of bad things.“
I remember looking at my dad from my mothers arms and saying these words:
“Dad I’m crying because I only remember the good! Not bad! All the good memories I have outweigh the bad a lot more than you could possibly imagine. I’m crying because of all the good I miss. Not because I’m choosing to remember of thinking about the bad!”
He was speechless for the first time since I could remember. Like, he was thinking when someone’s crying over someone they’ve lost. Someone close to them like my only sister was to me. That they’re only looking back on the bad things that happened between you and the person you’re obviously still mourning over.
Guy’s when I tell you he didn’t have a Bible verse, or scripture to quote back at me? It stumped the shit out of not only me, but him as well.
Then out of nowhere he said, “Well that’s a different way to look at it I suppose? I haven’t thought about missing the good things. I’m so used to people only remembering the bad, that I’ve literally forgotten about any of the good that people also mourn over.”
When I tell you all that i was taken back by just his recognition of what I was mourning and crying over. I guess I mean exactly that. I’ve never been able to fully explain to anyone why I cried while I was reminiscing about my nephew and my sister. Until that very afternoon.
So, with the heading of the post writing challenge I guess I’d say I’m stuck in the middle of the past, and present. Wishing my sister were here to witness the birth of her very own grandchildren and also be a part of my family as well. They are greatly missed. That much I know without a doubt.