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Men. . . I’ll never know how they can be as heartless as some of them really are! Hell, I probably don’t need to know anyways. Might just fuck me up in my head.
Last week when I called my husband to come pick me up from group he told me a girl I was once real good friends with was here and she wanted to talk to me. He couldn’t recall her name off top so, he said the one you got in a fight with last. Oh, okay. Yeah I know who you’re talking about I said. Do you know what she wants? He of course said no, just that she wanted to talk to me. I said okay, tell her I said it’s fine I’ll talk to her when I get home. Well due to past conflicts he said she’d be with him when he arrived to get me. Again I said okay.
So, he arrives pulling up along side the curb. i get up from the bench and walk around to get in the front seat kinda in a hurry because it was so cold out. She says hi when I shut the door and I’ve clicked my seat belt in securely. I said you don’t have to say nothing right now, we’ll talk when we get to our house. She said okay in return.
To make a long story short she needed a place to stay because her baby daddy called the cops on her over 4 months ago. He got it where she was arrested for blaming her for a black eye he got when he was fucking camping. He’s been doing nothing but using her son against her since she gave birth. They aren’t together but were living together co-parenting. Obviously doing an okay job because it’s been years since I’ve seen her.
Anyways. . .
She was taken to jail on a misdemeanor 4th degree assault charge over his already healing black eye. When he tried taking her to court wanting a restraining order and custody of their son the judge threw it out. The judge’s exact words were I don’t feel your life is in danger by this woman. I think you’re lying, deceitful, and have bad intentions. She threw the case out even dropping the charge of 4th degree assault to menacing. When she asked me if she could stay here because she didn’t have anywhere to go. I told her I honestly didn’t mind, but I don’t make any decisions with consulting my husband first. She understood and never pressured or bothered, bugged us, or pestered us about it at all.
Later that evening when I was speaking to him and told him she had no where to go asking if she could stay here for a few days because her baby daddy wouldn’t even let her inside her own house with her son. He has no custodial papers stating he’s got any kind of custody of their child. Yet somehow he can make the ruled and regulations of the times she can call to talk to her son, or when she can even see him. My husband gave in, because he honestly has a big heart. (Although he doesn’t want a lot of people to know it).I called her in the living room from her waiting in my room. When she was seated and paying attention he told her she could stay until after Christmas. But no longer than that because we’ve opened our home to so many people and they’ve only taken advantage of us, or robbed us of sentimental belongings such as my jewelry, specifically an 18 K gold women’s watch my mother found when she was just 2 months pregnant with me. Thank God I knew exactly who took it and I was able to get it back without to call the cops and file a report on the girl. I’m not a cop caller unless its a life or death situation or I personally witness someone needing help that no one but the authorities can provide. I keep my nose on my face where it belongs and not out here on this dead end road I live on. Where I live its best to keep it that way because if not before you know in you’ll be involved in someone else’s drama not even meaning, or intending for that to happen.
The day comes when she’s supposed to leave. We let her stay here a little over a week now, and everyone she’s tried to call for help has all but slammed the door in her face. Places specifically created and built to help women of domestic violence situations turned her away because she didn’t/doesn’t meet their criteria, which is fucked up to say the least. I want to call this supposed safe haven out by name and bash them beyond any means so badly. However I’m gonna bite my fucking tongue for right now. Only because she’d back on the phone with this place that has an open fucking bed for her but they have certain hoops women have to jump through just to get in. It’s such a front and bullshit but the way they advertise themselves on TV is such. . . UGH!!! If they deny helping her this time after her continuous pleas for help over the past 4 months, then I’m snapping the fuck out! I will post such a poor review on their site or wherever it is I need to do it, so that other people know how they knit pick and choose. Who they deem worthy enough for their assistance, shelter, counseling, aid, and guidance. All the good they advertise that’s provided by them for women in various circumstances is all bullshit if they don’t take her in.
So far the call seems to be going okay for now. I mean she’s still on the phone with them. She also being completely honest with every question they’re asking her. I just her her tell the person she’s talking to:
“I can’t sit here and tell you that, because I’m not gonna lie. That’s only gonna lead me to have to keep covering lies with more and more lies. And I’m trying not to live that life no more. I’m tired, exhausted, emotionally and physically spent. All I wanna do is live the right way for not just my kids but for myself too.”
She just hung up the phone, walked in here and told me they have accepted her. She’s gotta be there tomorrow at 5-pm. Man when I sit here and tell you guys it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my chest, i mean just that. The entire time she’s been here, which has only been a week maybe a few days longer, I’m not sure anymore because this entire month has been a blur. Seeming like everyday blended right into the next. Before I even realized it the New Year is right around the corner and December is basically over. It came and went so fast.This whole entire year has flown by quicker than any other year I can think of that has gone by just as quick.
As of this current moment my anxiety is still high. But, it’s not bothering me anywhere near as bad as it was. That alone is a relief in and of itself though, I swear. This woman has been through so much shit throughout her life. But I can’t sit here and say she’s been innocent, not deserving of whatever karma boomeranged coming back her way. I couldn’t even say that about myself ((I’m just keeping it real)). I’ve fucked up so much in all my years I couldn’t I’ve never truly been innocent when it came to anything. Especially in my past, those younger years we wished we were more knowledgeable knowing what we know now.
We were just cuddling in the recliner and to see her happy for once in the 9 days she’s been here actually made me happy for her. Because for once in a long time things are actually looking good for her. At least from my perspective right now. I was thinking maybe we’d have to take her. But she said no, that a cab would be coming to pick her up tomorrow about 5 pm. I thought that was pretty damn cool.
I’m not gonna lie about my husband’s reaction either. After he found out she was accepted but wasn’t able to leave today. Man, he honestly wasn’t too happy finding that out. His nerves were so frazzled and his mind fucking fried plumb dumb after being riddled with questions from her everyday for the last 9 days. Like so many if they were bullets shot from a gun he’d be Jim Carey’s character in that movie, ‘The Mask’. When he was shot multiple times by the bad guys in the club.Then all of a sudden he jumped up out from behind the bar. Then he sat perched on the edge, legs crossed like us women do (you guys know what I’m talking about). Grabbing up some orange juice to drink, only for it to start leaking. Like out of a fucking barrel that’s been riddled with bullet holes that went through and through. That’s what my husband’s reaction looked like. However, when he found out she’d be here until 5 pm the next day? It caused him a lot more stress, more frustration to build up inside of him. It was plain as day to see (he wasn’t happy about it. Not happy about it.
When I say that Greg has severe R.B.F. that’s exactly what I mean. Even on his best days with him actually being in a good mood he always has the same grim, looking facial expression. Day in, and day out, not mattering if it’s night or day. If he hears something funny though, he’ll laugh. That’s how you find out the kinda mood he’s in, before you’d ever be able to guess. Because if you just went by looking at his facial expression (the only one he’s got), you’d never fucking guess. Think I’m playing? When I find a random picture taken with him in the background or something I’ll add it to this post so you see exactly what I’m trying to explain.
I have a tendency to be extremely loud. Especially whenever I’m in a good mood, vibing listening to music or something like that. But if I have company, and it’s a friend of mine, or maybe not such a good friend anymore, but someone I care about regardless of being friends with. You guys I swear that person is as loud as me and having both of us in the same room? When Greg is trying to fall asleep watching TV, is not a good thing at all! When I tell you he popped his head up off his pillow so fast staring me down with that look saying:
“I’m bout to snap the fuck out! Shut the fuck up!”
No. He didn’t verbally say anything. It was with one fucking look. Let me say I quickly understood just what he meant behind the mask he’d been wearing for the past 9 days. When I sit here admitting I felt like a scolded child, I mean that. I guess I say that because he’s 20-years older than me is why I felt scolded. But I have mad respect for him as well. So, I got his point even if she didn’t. I stayed so much more quiet for the rest of the night you’d have thought I was that scolded kid I just said I felt like. He wasn’t mad at me, or even bothered by me. Hell, we’ve been married almost 11-years. He’s more than used to my loud ass mouth. It was more of his way of telling me to be quieter, so she’d follow my lead and if she didn’t then it was my job to remind her that he was really trying to go to bed, or just was wanting to but couldn’t because of us. I did what I was supposed to do for him though. Within the next 20-30 minutes I had her talked into going to my room. That way he could have the peace and quiet he wanted, was craving. Without any noise except the TV drowning out any background noise just the way he likes it.
To make a long ass story a lot more shorter everyone was able to keep their shit together until she left the following evening. The one thing that stressed me out the worst above anything she did when she was here? It was the fact that whenever she called her son’s father, it always ended up with her arguing and cussing him out. Granted that bullshit wasn’t any of our business and the fact that I asked her more than once to take that shit outside, or to another room in this small fucking trailer. She could pick one of two places. My room or the bathroom. We’d still have heard damn near every word spoken. But it wouldn’t have been anywhere as loud as she was in the same room as we were.
Thank God!! 5 pm finally came the following evening and a number I didn’t know called my phone while I was laying down. I forgot I needed to answer it just in case it was for her. I’m glad I called it back because it was her cab telling me she was outside ready to scoop her up. I was laying in my bed just completely mentally and physically exhausted. Not just from her being here. I also had my grandson here the same night that was her last night here as well. I barely slept at all.
It was about that time she should have been watching for her cab, when she decided to walk next door. She placed all her belongings outside the front door so they’d be ready to put in the trunk of the cab upon its arrival. I couldn’t hold my eyes open any longer. I told my husband I was going to bed. Tell her I love her, good luck, and to call me when she gets the chance. But under no circumstances do I want to be woken up by her just to tell me goodbye.We did that before she walked next door.
My husband said,“Yeah we’ll see how that goes.”
I told him, “No. That’s how it’s gonna be. I don’t wanna be woken up. Not just so she can whisper bye. I’m tired as hell. I was up and down all night with our grandson.Plus, waking up with him at 6 am that morning, and staying up until his momma came to get him. Pleas? I just really want to go to sleep baby?”
He had my back. He didn’t let her come back here even though I truly knew how bad she’d really wanted to. I love her and deeply care about her respectfully as a woman and a mother. I honestly also felt only good intentions from her. Coming from within her heart. Especially when she spoke about her son’s and oldest child, her daughter. I’ve prayed every night she does well and doesn’t leave the place that’ll help her get her shit together and in order. She is her own boss however and they can’t make anyone stay if they truly want to leave. But she’s got this inner strength a lot of people either just don’t see, or they have no clue what she holds within her.
Okay, I’m finished. It’s only taken me 2 days to finish this damn thing. When I tell you guys I’ve been stressed to the max, that’s exactly what the hell I mean.
As peacefulness takes my household over once more I feel like we’ve all been on edge while she was here. We all have good hearts or else she’d have been made to leave with all her belongings and find herself somewhere else to go in the freezing cold weather. But we wouldn’t and couldn’t do that not just to her, but to anyone we knew that really had no place else to go.
Doing good deeds doesn’t get you a one way ticket to heaven because if it did then I’d have a lifetime supply of them. But our God recognizes it and rewards us all in His own special way, on His own time. We can only continue to pass it on and hope others keep passing it on as well.
I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year. I love all of you.
