I’m finally made it through the fucking work day. I wanted a sleeve of fireball, but Greg turned towards home before I coud even get it out that I wanted some.
I think I sat down for maybe a total of 6-7 minutes today bruh! WTF!
. . .
It’s fast food, bruh!!
I’m home now. I’m on the phone talking to my momma right now. It’s already 5:27pm (central time) I got off from work a little after 1pm, and I’m so freaking tired already.
I’ve already fallen asleep more than once while trying to type this post if that tells you anything. Lol. Ah, my son jus walked in the door. I’m glad he’s here to give mom some company, and keep me awake.
Well shit, that didn’t work so good either. He sat right beside me and let me fall right back asleep. So, I sent him on a run to get mom some caffeine to keep me awake, at least long enough to finish this post anyways.
Ahh! That’s much better. Some good ol’ Mt. Dew. I wished sometimes they still sold that pop called ‘Surge’. I guess it cintained too much caffeine than those years really liked to approce unless it was an energy drink. I don’t know if anyone that reads this will even know the pop I’m referring to. But it was awesome and gave you that jolt, or boost of good energy you’d need to get through the work day. Man, that was really good pop.
So, work today was much better and went way smoother than I expected. Especially considering the fact I worked with the chick that cussed me out when I came in trying to work after having a seizure.
That’s only some of the shit I’ve been dealing with. Going into work on a morning after I had a weird ass seizure, but one nonetheless.
My motor skills were just fine and I had no jerks when it came to my body movements. I was fine as far as all that went. But I couldn’t talk straight for shit. I mean I could, but it was slurred bad. Like, it sounded like I was drunk and my tongue was sticking to the roof of my mouth. I explained to a shift leader about my reason for being late and the reason i sonded the way I did.
She was fine with it because I finally made it to work. She sent me to the kitchen, which is my domain, and told me to help Marion. As soon as I entered the kitchen, or right as rather. She said she didn’t need or want shit from me. I probably mouthed, cussing her under my breath, so as not to set her off. I made it to the break room and I remember telling her she didn’t have to be such a bitch about it because I could have come out a lot worse, and I was lucky I did at all. Well, I know I heard her say something along the lines of, “I wished you didn’t!”
Um, excuse me?
That’s when i made sure she heard my comment about being a bitch and it was no wonder no one liked working with her. Of course she snapped back at me, but only this time, she was walking up on me while she was snapping at me and cussing me out. The old Tina was ready for anything at any given moment. I was so tired of her always talking shit. I didn’t back down from her when she was about a foot or two at the most, in front of my face, and I said,
“Do something!”
“Do something!”
She didn’t do shit but walk away just like I figured she would. Then she was yelled at by management to keep it down, or in their words to ‘shut-the-fuck-up’. And I was told by the other shift leader, in the nicest way I’ve seen her be, especially with me, that I needed to go home and get in touch with our GM to see if I still had a job. Of course, I did. I knew exactly what she was implying. She’s been nice to me since I’ve worked there but I honestly feel she don’t like me too much. I only know this for certain because everytime a chance came up where I could of gotten fired, she was all for it.
But here recently we’ve both been being civil to one another. And ya know what? It’s been actually kind of nice for us to both be civil and work good with each other. And for that I’m grateful.
There’s been other issues going on ass well. My husband just told me like 2 wks ago that half his heart wasn’t pumping right or some shit like that. That’s been sitting on the back burner of my mind since, but only because I’ve been blessed with being distracted by my daughter moving back home with my grandson, Lukah.
The rest of it is pretty much the daily stresses everyone else has as far as money being able to make their rent and pay all the bills. Just please keep my family in your prayers for the time being.
I'd rather read a good book, VS watching the movie made from it on TV. Most thoughts on that are 'why'. Well, my answer for that is that there aren't any limitations to your imagination. Therefore, when I'm reading an action packed thriller that I can't put down or stop turning the pages of is because the details are written by the author describing the scene/situation with such clarity, that I think it's far better than what anyone can visibly see on TV. That being my opinion only, I'm sure millions and billions of avid readers out there agree with me 100% on that reason alone. I've always had an active imagination growing up. I'd use the almost empty cans of shaving cream my dad would give me, as the whipped cream on top of the mud pies I made.Of course dad got the first one. After all, he did give me the topping. I was very versatile also. I was the biggest tom boy of a little girl you'd ever see one day. To dividing Barbie clothes between me and my older sister (when I was lucky enough to get her to play with me). I had to play by her rules though. Perks of being the older sibling I guess. I loved playing with the Hot Wheel's cars in the dirt. Making race tracks and underground tunnels I'd dig out for them. Sometimes my dad would be outside with me showing me all kinds of different things I could pretend to do when playing cars. I have one day in particular that stands out among the rest. It was when I learned to do the underground tunnels for the cars to go through. He showed me by taking a simple stick off the ground and using it like a tool to push the dirt out from one side to the other. It wasn't a tunnel without keeping the top part intact. I acted like there was a cave-in, and then accidents, crashing the cars together. No one ever got hurt in my imagination though, just the cars got hurt. Growing up with a sister 6-years older than me taught me lots of things, both good and bad. If I kept her secrets, she kept mine. And the only reason I even had any secrets was because she allowed me to. I got to sneak and smoke in her bedroom at night after our parents went to bed. I had to be very quiet because I got caught most of the time. But I was always caught by our momma. And then all she made me do was get back in bed. I came from a poor family so anything name brand wasn't known to me for a long time. I was bullied and made fun of all throughout my school years. It doesn't matter which year you pick. From the 1st grade, all the way through high school. I know that's terrible to have to admit, but I think it'd be even worse having to admit to being the bully. I swore to myself I'd never treat anyone the way those kids treated me and made me feel. It bothered me so bad I'd dream about standing up for, and actually fighting over other kids getting bullied. I woke up all of a sudden one morning after punching the lights out of a bully in my dream. When I really punched the headboard and made my knuckles bleed. Come on! When a child is taking on the burden of other bullied kids, you know that's a heavy burden to bear. It was also very hard on me. I never talked about it to my parents though. Yeah, they knew. But back then no one really knew what to do about that problem like they do now. Or, well, think they do. I've been in counseling since starting school. I can't remember a day going by without me seeing the school guidance counselor. Shout out to Mrs. Reeves though, at Lone Oak High School. She made the biggest impression on me as far as wanting to help other kids like me. The bullies were actually the kids who came from well-to-do families. Kids who never knew what it was like to experience the disappointment of being told 'No'. Or that there wasn't enough money to buy what they wanted. Kids that figured there wasn't anything better to do except make fun of the less fortunate to get them through their day or to have a conversation piece. The anger and hatred that built up inside of me was, and still is undescribable. The thoughts they caused me to have. Picturing the tables being turned and the bad things said back to them, bad things being done back to them. It only made me feel better on the inside. I've been asked by numerous doctors in my life if I'm suicidal. I've answered no, being completely honest each time. But never have they asked if I've felt homicidal! I know, scary right? The outcome of such thoughts is what triggered the start of mass school shootings. Coming into adulthood was strange territory for me as well, and actually caused me a lot of uncomfortable times, knowing things I knew I could now do but never felt comfortable ever talking about. Even with my sister, the person I was closest to, I couldn't open up and freely talk about anything of the sexual nature. I guess because bad things have happened to me on more than one occasion when I was still very much an innocent child. With me hiding such horrid things from my parents, along with everyone else, I felt I couldn't talk about the good kind of sex either. Man did that ever set me back, keeping me immature of certain things I should've known already but didn't. Because in my mind I was still that child who was hurt in a bad way. They were called 'Red Touches' back then. What we were taught to call them in school anyways. Then just when I was becoming independent and living on my own, learning to stand up for myself in a way that would make my sister proud of me, I lost her. That caused me to go into a deep depression I didn't come out of for many years afterwards. March 29, 2003 changed my life forever. I lost my 2-year old nephew that night to a raging house fire. My sister passed 17 days later in the burn unit in Vanderbilt, Tennessee. However, if you've read 'My Story', a post on my blog. Then you'll know that in order for me to know what I now know, and to be the person that I now am, all of the bad shit had to happen first or else I wouldn't have caught and held onto the message so vital for me to have acquired in my life. Helping the less fortunate. Being someone's somebody they can depend on being there when they need them the most. After receiving confirmation that my nephew didn't suffer, not for one second in that house fire... Was I able to let that burden go, only to let in that oxygen, that life support I desperately needed to save myself from a lifetime of misery. Even though I know my sister, Jennifer, isn't physically here to cheer and root me on. I know without a shadow of a doubt, her and Lil Jesse (my nephew) are both doing so from Heaven today, and everyday that follows. If you're suffering from addiction of any kind and you want or need someone to talk to I'm a damn good listener! My contact information is listed on my contact page. Please call, reach out for support. You're not alone no matter what negative thoughts are telling you that you are. God is always there for you as well. If you'd like to learn more about Jesus and how He died to save us, don't hesitate to ask. I'll share what I know is all good, and positive about God. Whom I choose to call my higher power. If you don't believe in God, then the subject will not be pushed. EVER! If you're battling mental health issues and feel alone like no one knows what you feel like. Then I'm here to tell you there's billions of people out there that will share with you that they too, feel just like you do. Hit me up on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter. All of my accounts should be connected to my website. If you're waiting on me to respond and it's been a while since you tried getting in touch with me, then by all means be more persistent and bug the shit out of me. Make me see your messages. I will eventually and I'll always reply when I can. This is the best I think I've written in this 'about me' section. It's the most I've opened up publicly I know that. I'm open minded, I keep it 100 all of the time, even if it's something I don't like myself, or for others, I still have to keep it 100 with myself in order for me to keep it that way with everyone else. I hope this told everyone a little bit about me, maybe more than I originally intended. But it's all accurate and up to date with where I'm at in my life right now. Thank you all and God Bless
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