I went to the clinic yesturday. I go on Tuesdays now.
Anyways…
I was leaving or walking out to smoke a cig from group for a sec, when I saw my good friend ‘S’. I ran straught to her and her to me. I cried so hard because a cetain someone caused a lot of unneccessary drama between this girl & her partner.
We had so much catching up to do and I couldn’t wait to come over to their house and talk with her and Bub. So walking out I made sure to remind her to text me and we’ll set up a time and day so that we could set aside to visit with one another.
When we saw each other we instantly ran into rach other’s arms and my (cry baby ass), broke straught the fuck down crying! You guys hear what I’m sayin?!! Sis isn’t a crier at all, and even she held me tight and dropped a tears or two. (Maybe)?
That’s one no one will ever know including myself because I didn’t physically see ears fall from her eyes. I just saw they was wet. (It was probably an eyelash or something). Thats what she’d claim it to be anyhow.
So things have been good the past few days, socially and here at home. I went and hung out wit my Bub and her wife, my Sis, for like 5 1/2 hours today. No drugs. No-one there to get mad at them because they chose not to have any drugs around. Yes. You read that right. Ppl that call themselves friends of others that got good contects to good fucking drugs. Shit! Their gonna be your best friend. Only as long as the drugs are around or however long they last.
Where’s that person who claimed to be that best friend when the drugs were around?
Gone!
Thats where.
I’m referring to the woman I thought was my best friend since youth group. We met this couple at the same time and the same place of all things. During that time the couple had to do a li side hustle to make some fast money. It was never meant to be a permanent thing, like at all, ever.
‘P’, keeps popping up unannounced and without so much as even a courtesy call to ask first, before just showing up on their door-step.
I hate it when certain ppl do that. Usually it’s the ones you could go without seeing for a while. Not trying to sound mean or rude. There’s ppl out there that come to their so-called ‘friends’ house, jus in case they possibly have some go-fast. ‘P’ is not only addicted to meth but the needle as well.
I did hear some great news about ‘P’ today though. Bub and Sis got her off the needle. Thats a huge step for ‘P’. Anyone that really knows her, would even say the same thing.
Well, yesterday I ripped off my big toe nail. It was nice and bright outside after getting home from work. When I walked inside however, it was pitch black and coudn’t see a damn thing. It hurt so fucking bad you guys. I just knew my toe nail had just gotten ripped off. Good thing Sis doctored me up. (Might I jus throw that out there and give props where it’s due). So professional and everything. Yeah I know I started this topic outta nowhere but it was needed.
I told Bub and Sis when I was trying to warn them about her and how she was going to use them. They not only didn’t believe it to be the truth, but didn’t wanna hear none of it either. I was never once disrespectful when I spoke of ‘P’ and still to this day after it’s been months, I don’t and won’t. I love her I just have to love her from a distance.
I had to call Greg to come pick me up. I fibbed and said their alternator went out on their truck.
Only…
They haven’t a vehichle.
Oops! Did I do that on purpose? Damn right I did. When I tell you guys I have no social life, I literally mean it. Work and home, and doctors app’s in between.
Not to mention being a full time mother still to 2 grown kids of mine. My daughter calls me on SnapChat all the time with 100’s of quetions about Lukah, or herself. I love her with ALL of me and EVERTHING in me, but my child is a hypochondriac. Not just a regular hypo. Like she’s a severe hypocho. She’ll have like the smallest symptom of something minor like a couple of blisters on her fingers. That was this last time she called me on snap. She sent a small video clip of these tiny little blisters on the tips of her fingers and a couple along the sides of a few of them.
I told her I’ve had them before also but never seen a dermatologist to find out just exactly what they were. So if ppl on this sit that follow me nd read all my long babbling talk, could you please be so kind as to inform me what those things are and what causes them to pop up? She said they itched real bad. I asked her if the liquid (even though it’s really like water that comes out of blisters) that leaks from them when one gets scratched open, was clear and looked and felt like her fingers were wet with water. She said yeah. I told her hain I didn’t know what they were or what caused them. I thought maybe she could just have sensitive skin and could have had an allergic reaction. Maybe when I got them, when I was younger, O could have been allergic to te cheap ass laundry detergent
I just wanted to randomly write before I go to sleep. I haven’t taken my night meds in 2 nights. Only because I don’t wanna have a hang-over fro them like I did last week and I showed up to work making Greg come inside with me. Maybe my gm hearing the truth from him she’d listen to and believe. NOPE! She wasn’t going, and sent my ass back home to bed. Telling me if VIP show up and I’m talking like I was then it would for real make Mrs. Laura bad with ppl she hires. I didn’t want that for her, so I did as I was told. I was scheduled off the next day but Amanda called asking if I could come in for a few hours. Practically begging me. Can’t stand puppy eyes and begging. I caved. I needed to make up the couple hours I missed anyways.
Well I have started a writing war with one of shift managers at work. Posting this so I can start writing her in the composition book I foumd almost new. Only a couple of pages was all I had to tear out. She told me ‘War On’ after reading the email I sent to her. I one upped her there by sending her an email. Bahahaha!
Wish me luck to win this just for the satisfsaction of being able to say I did. And I know I can. I know I’m gonna be a writing fool the next few weeks or moths or however long it lasts. I’m kinda dredding it anyways becausemy fingers already hurt, so, I can only imagine how stiff the gonna be when I wake up. TaTaFN
I'd rather read a good book, VS watching the movie made from it on TV. Most thoughts on that are 'why'. Well, my answer for that is that there aren't any limitations to your imagination. Therefore, when I'm reading an action packed thriller that I can't put down or stop turning the pages of is because the details are written by the author describing the scene/situation with such clarity, that I think it's far better than what anyone can visibly see on TV. That being my opinion only, I'm sure millions and billions of avid readers out there agree with me 100% on that reason alone. I've always had an active imagination growing up. I'd use the almost empty cans of shaving cream my dad would give me, as the whipped cream on top of the mud pies I made.Of course dad got the first one. After all, he did give me the topping. I was very versatile also. I was the biggest tom boy of a little girl you'd ever see one day. To dividing Barbie clothes between me and my older sister (when I was lucky enough to get her to play with me). I had to play by her rules though. Perks of being the older sibling I guess. I loved playing with the Hot Wheel's cars in the dirt. Making race tracks and underground tunnels I'd dig out for them. Sometimes my dad would be outside with me showing me all kinds of different things I could pretend to do when playing cars. I have one day in particular that stands out among the rest. It was when I learned to do the underground tunnels for the cars to go through. He showed me by taking a simple stick off the ground and using it like a tool to push the dirt out from one side to the other. It wasn't a tunnel without keeping the top part intact. I acted like there was a cave-in, and then accidents, crashing the cars together. No one ever got hurt in my imagination though, just the cars got hurt. Growing up with a sister 6-years older than me taught me lots of things, both good and bad. If I kept her secrets, she kept mine. And the only reason I even had any secrets was because she allowed me to. I got to sneak and smoke in her bedroom at night after our parents went to bed. I had to be very quiet because I got caught most of the time. But I was always caught by our momma. And then all she made me do was get back in bed. I came from a poor family so anything name brand wasn't known to me for a long time. I was bullied and made fun of all throughout my school years. It doesn't matter which year you pick. From the 1st grade, all the way through high school. I know that's terrible to have to admit, but I think it'd be even worse having to admit to being the bully. I swore to myself I'd never treat anyone the way those kids treated me and made me feel. It bothered me so bad I'd dream about standing up for, and actually fighting over other kids getting bullied. I woke up all of a sudden one morning after punching the lights out of a bully in my dream. When I really punched the headboard and made my knuckles bleed. Come on! When a child is taking on the burden of other bullied kids, you know that's a heavy burden to bear. It was also very hard on me. I never talked about it to my parents though. Yeah, they knew. But back then no one really knew what to do about that problem like they do now. Or, well, think they do. I've been in counseling since starting school. I can't remember a day going by without me seeing the school guidance counselor. Shout out to Mrs. Reeves though, at Lone Oak High School. She made the biggest impression on me as far as wanting to help other kids like me. The bullies were actually the kids who came from well-to-do families. Kids who never knew what it was like to experience the disappointment of being told 'No'. Or that there wasn't enough money to buy what they wanted. Kids that figured there wasn't anything better to do except make fun of the less fortunate to get them through their day or to have a conversation piece. The anger and hatred that built up inside of me was, and still is undescribable. The thoughts they caused me to have. Picturing the tables being turned and the bad things said back to them, bad things being done back to them. It only made me feel better on the inside. I've been asked by numerous doctors in my life if I'm suicidal. I've answered no, being completely honest each time. But never have they asked if I've felt homicidal! I know, scary right? The outcome of such thoughts is what triggered the start of mass school shootings. Coming into adulthood was strange territory for me as well, and actually caused me a lot of uncomfortable times, knowing things I knew I could now do but never felt comfortable ever talking about. Even with my sister, the person I was closest to, I couldn't open up and freely talk about anything of the sexual nature. I guess because bad things have happened to me on more than one occasion when I was still very much an innocent child. With me hiding such horrid things from my parents, along with everyone else, I felt I couldn't talk about the good kind of sex either. Man did that ever set me back, keeping me immature of certain things I should've known already but didn't. Because in my mind I was still that child who was hurt in a bad way. They were called 'Red Touches' back then. What we were taught to call them in school anyways. Then just when I was becoming independent and living on my own, learning to stand up for myself in a way that would make my sister proud of me, I lost her. That caused me to go into a deep depression I didn't come out of for many years afterwards. March 29, 2003 changed my life forever. I lost my 2-year old nephew that night to a raging house fire. My sister passed 17 days later in the burn unit in Vanderbilt, Tennessee. However, if you've read 'My Story', a post on my blog. Then you'll know that in order for me to know what I now know, and to be the person that I now am, all of the bad shit had to happen first or else I wouldn't have caught and held onto the message so vital for me to have acquired in my life. Helping the less fortunate. Being someone's somebody they can depend on being there when they need them the most. After receiving confirmation that my nephew didn't suffer, not for one second in that house fire... Was I able to let that burden go, only to let in that oxygen, that life support I desperately needed to save myself from a lifetime of misery. Even though I know my sister, Jennifer, isn't physically here to cheer and root me on. I know without a shadow of a doubt, her and Lil Jesse (my nephew) are both doing so from Heaven today, and everyday that follows. If you're suffering from addiction of any kind and you want or need someone to talk to I'm a damn good listener! My contact information is listed on my contact page. Please call, reach out for support. You're not alone no matter what negative thoughts are telling you that you are. God is always there for you as well. If you'd like to learn more about Jesus and how He died to save us, don't hesitate to ask. I'll share what I know is all good, and positive about God. Whom I choose to call my higher power. If you don't believe in God, then the subject will not be pushed. EVER! If you're battling mental health issues and feel alone like no one knows what you feel like. Then I'm here to tell you there's billions of people out there that will share with you that they too, feel just like you do. Hit me up on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter. All of my accounts should be connected to my website. If you're waiting on me to respond and it's been a while since you tried getting in touch with me, then by all means be more persistent and bug the shit out of me. Make me see your messages. I will eventually and I'll always reply when I can. This is the best I think I've written in this 'about me' section. It's the most I've opened up publicly I know that. I'm open minded, I keep it 100 all of the time, even if it's something I don't like myself, or for others, I still have to keep it 100 with myself in order for me to keep it that way with everyone else. I hope this told everyone a little bit about me, maybe more than I originally intended. But it's all accurate and up to date with where I'm at in my life right now. Thank you all and God Bless
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