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What Is My Motivation…You Wanna Know…

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I have thought of so many things I’d like to do to help my community in a positive way. I’m a recovering addict and I feel I have so many wonderful things I can provide someone that needs it when it comes to such a horrible subject. I want to let them know that there is hope and that people really do care. I’m one of them. I can offer someone hope and insure them that it’s okay to fuck up!

What?

Excuse my language. I’m for real not sorry. I want that shock factor. I want people to be interested. Let them know it’s not gonna kill them to stop using and try and do better. I could have used a person like me (no filter and blunt as fuck) back when I was in heavy addiction. If I hadn’t lost my sister at such a young age I’m pretty sure she’d have been that blunt, honest as hell person I needed to instill in me the horrors of what awaited me if I continued living that train wreck of a thing I considered life.

I lived to kill myself to the fullest intent possible let me tell you. I’ll break it to you like this. The day I was arrested I was still severely intoxicated from the night before. I didn’t know how lucky I was to have even woke up that day to be honest. Why? I had in my possession and had half consumed over half of my 90 count script of 1mg Klonipin along with having just filled a script for 10 count Percocet 7.5mg. Then while at the pharmacy getting pain meds filled I illegally managed to come up on another script of benzo’s, Xanax 1mg, 90 count. I couldn’t believe what I had just done. I was that desperate to keep stock of my favorite drug (besides heroin) that I had stooped to an all time level of stupidity. Upon arriving home I had grown bored and restless. Come nightfall I managed to get even more dumb. I was caught inside my neighbor’s house having stolen two more narcotic scripts of VyVanse, and another 90 count 1mg bottle of Xanax. She didn’t know I had taken them when she caught me and escorted me out the door though. However when she did, she was so pissed off. As well as she should have been.

So if you were keeping up that was 3. Count them, 3 full 90 count scripts of benzo’s and a script of pain pills. The remaining amount I had left fit all in one little bottle. I pulled another dumb ass move by taking them into the jail with me, only to catch another felony charge of promoting contraband.

So whenever I’m asked if I know what another addict has been, or is going through, I can honestly tell them yes. I truly do. A lot of people that know me would probably be thinking I was full of shit and nothing but a hypocrite because I have recently had to restart the count on my recovery all over again not to long ago. I have said and will keep saying that dammit I’m not perfect.

I’M NOT PERFECT!!

You hear me all fucktard haters out there. At least I can say I’m fucking giving it a shot. I’m doing my best. I do smoke weed. I’ll die smoking weed. My God is fine with that seeing in how He put it here to grow. For medicinal purposes. If I couldn’t smoke weed it would make my recovery so much harder than it already is. It calms my anxiety when I’m stressed enough so that I can think more clearly, and open minded. Rather than trying to think seriously while running on emotions.

I hope that made sense…

Sometimes when I go back and reread what I have written, it’s kind of awesome that I actually wrote something that was important to others as well as myself.

Whew! Awkward…I say that because I stutter so bad when I’m speaking on something I’m passionate about. Something I know is important. I stutter period all the time anyways. When I’m stressed out or the level of seizure meds in my system is too low. I hate it so much. It’s a permanent side effect that I’ll more than likely have for the rest of my life from being a drug addict. God bless my husband. I love you Gregory P. Sr. I’d not be able to live the life I am without him. He’s experienced in handling seizures. He remains calm and knows how to handle the situation. Most of the time the ambulance isn’t even called. As soon as I start having the symptoms he’s keeping an eyes on me. Not that he isn’t already doing it. No but for real.

Mk.

I’m sitting here with my Very Best FRIEND Panda. I just put her on blast. Bahaha. If you’d like to correspond with her I will hopefully soon be providing all contact information for each of the individual team members on the main SafeSpace website under contact.

Signing of for now you guys.

About Post Author

BooBoo

I have always loved expressing myself through words & I have been a bookworm since I first started reading. So expressing myself through writing has forever been super easy for me. Now, if I could just teach people who can't read & write, HOW to do 2 of the best things to know how to in the world are? They'd be able to read all the beautiful, funny, scary, paranormal, romance, just all the wonderful & fascinating literature out there. I'd go crazy if I couldn't curl up with a good book especially on a rainy day. I work out in public, participating in being a functioning & contributing member of society. While at work I was outside smoking a cig & typing away on my Chromebook, when a very polite gentleman asked me how long it took to charge it. Not long I said, at least to be a dinosaur.He told me he knew about the older model I was using. I told him I was using to try my hand at writing a book. He ended up being a bookworm himself. Wishing me nothing but encouragement & success to finish. I like to tell myself I can do anything. But we all know how some people should just stick to their day job. But I'm gonna keep going & I'm gonna keep writing. I won't stop until I know without a doubt that I absolutely cannot succeed. Then. . . Maybe I'll put my pencil down, or in my case now, close my chromebook for good. Something tells me I won't have to just yet though. ((UPDATE: OMG! I've finally connected all my accounts and plugins that I know I've got. Still learning new things tinkering with my website everyday. I'm in the process of learning about my Meta Pixel & how to set it up & send test traffic onto viewing the results provided for my knowledge on how good everything is going about putting my message out there that all I wanna do is help people that really need someone to talk to. I'd never discuss any privileged information. I too am all about my privacy. Still working on some kinks as far as myself goes. Trying to become more self disciplined than what I haven't been like lately. LOL! I do KNOW that my God is Awesome & is always there when I need to be dependent the most. I ask that everyone keep me in your prayers (if you pray) if you don't then please keep me in your positive thoughts in your mind. I need all the positivity and Good Vibes & Karma that I can get sent my way. I only ever wanna better myself by learning & gaining more insight & knowledge in everything I wanna learn how to do with all I'm learning now. I really never thought I was as intelligent as I actually am. NO! I swear I'm not bragging, like with snobbish pride, but pride all the same. Except pride because not only have I learned new things, I've retained the knowledge of everything I've learned how to do! That's whats awesome.))
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