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Not Just Bragging About Him Bringing Doughnuts, Also A piece of my husband’s heart!!

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(Plus a Lil about him/his story)

***”He more than likely will never know what I talk bout on here. I’ve showed him pics & things I’ve said. I’ll let you know when I know!”***💯

He bought doughnuts for the whole morning crew!!!!! That’s something he hasn’t voluntarily ever done. Spending money on surprises. Especially for a whole fast food joint. But as you can probably guess they were completely devoured them. It was nice to see him be generous without being actually asked first. A huge piece of him died towards the end of 2010-2011. He lost his only daughter to an accidental overdose. She vomited and it went into her lungs and basically drowned on it. She lived 6 days on life support before they had to pull the plug. He’s never been the same since. 6 months before her death he lost his father to a heart attack. it was like BAM! BAM! One loss after another. And it wasn’t distant family either so his pain and grief were right there in the home of his heart. I wasn’t even there. We had gotten into a pretty bad argument and I took the advice of his daughter and decided to go to my Uncle’s house in Chicago. Hell, he was footing the bill for the plane ticket, so why the hell not. But she was right though. We were up each other’s butt all the time cause I wasn’t working at the time (he didn’t want me to) and neither was he. She happened to call him during the aftermath of the argument and told me it would be good for both of us to have some time apart, since we were always with and around each other. So I took her advice because after all she was right, right?

I feel like if I didn’t leave then she’d still be here. Just a week before her overdose, she came by to check on him. Only to find him laying in the floor holding his stomach. He was rushed to the ER and then to emergancy surgery for his appendix to be taken out. He was at his daughter’s house (his before his divorce) recovering from the surgery when it happened to her. He was laying on the couch when his son-in-law came down the hall to the living room to tell him that something was wrong with her and he couldn’t get her to wake up. When he rushed back there he picked her up and held her to his chest where more of her vomity came out of her mouth onto his shirt. He didn’t care because this is his child. His babygirl. He was freaking out on the inside, and told her husband, very calmly, to call 911. She was rushed to the hospital, but as you know when a person asphyxiat’s, it goes back into their lungs and drowns them just as water would. Except in this case your food that was previously eaten, also goes into your lungs. He was crushed and his heart was broken beyond repair.

My son and I were just fixing to eat something I think. My son had a feeling to check up on dad for an unknown reason. Then he walked over to me and showed me his cell phone with a text message from his dad saying that his daughter was in the hospital dying. When I read the message my heart sank. I taught my husband how to text because he never knew how. So I instantly thought he just messed up and he meant his ex wife, not his daughter. As you can imagine I was nervous and I really didn’t know what to say when I called him to check. He said, “No you read it right”. I of course asked what in the hell happened, and if they were gonna be able to save her. He was just as clueless in that moment as he was in his answer. It was only then, I knew I HAD to go back. I had an upcoming court date anyways for some trouble I had got into. My son and I planned on how to tell my uncle what was going on and that we really needed to go back early. I had him enrolled in school already and everything. I left to come back home and my son stayed there because of school, and I did’t really know what was gonna happen between me and himn when I did get back. I just knew in that moment that he needed me immediately.

Road trip set and planned, we headed out. It was the longest ride I think in my life. Knowing what I would be facing upon returning home on top of looking at some extended jail time! It was just a “FUBAR” moment in both our lives. We met him at a gas station a few exits away from his house. When he got out of his truck and I first laid eyes on him, I was at a loos for words. I swear he lost 40 lbs in just the month I was gone! I had no no idea what this say to him, it even hotter tho comfort him. Obviously saying “It’s gonna be okay” was never gonna be good enough to heal this situation. I was just in shock! How could this thing’s have gone so freaking bad in less than one months time? I still say to this day that if I’d have never left she’d be alive today. That’s untrue now and I know that. Even if I’d have been home, she’d have been at her home and shit still would have happened. Only he wouldn’t have been there to pick his unconscious daughter up off her bed and try and bring her into consciousness. When he told me how her husband had came to tell him, it seemed to me he had no urgency in the situation. Like he maybe wasn’t sure what was wrong with her maybe. Personally though, to me, after hearing people repeat his actions, or should I say lack there of, made me think he did it purposely. The doctor kept pulling my husband off to the side informing him or all of what she had in her system that caused this to happen. Just that act alone set his daughters husband off. Almost like he didn’t want her own father to know the cause of her condition, and how she got to be the way she was at that moment. She wasn’t in love with him and had told her mama as much just weeks, if not days before this happened. She was planning on leaving him/divorcing him. He couldn’t keep a job for shit. He’d put his hands on her once before. Don’t worry my husband instilled the fear of God in that boy the day that went down. I, myself, think he found out about her wanting to leave him and did that to her so she couldn’t take their daughter away from him. Look I know that seems to be stretching it. However if you ever had the chance to watch a rerun of the events that unfolded that evening, then you’d see exactly what I was talking about. You’d see and get to know the shady kind of character he really was. When he came down the hallway to get her dad the night it happened, he was in no hurry about getting her help. Anyone else would have ran down the hallway to get someone’s attention or hell, even screamed from the bedroom. He, however did none of those. During the viewing at the funeral she was dressed in something she never would have worn if she were alive. Plus her husband had no make-up put on her. She wasn’t the same girl that everyone knew and loved. He also didn’t not only “NOT FREAK OUT”. He never shed one little tear over her passing. As soon as she was buried he took his daughter and moved home to his parent’s house and raised my husband’s granddaughter away from this little city we live in. He had to fight or argue to see her. Or when she went to his son’s house then my husband would go there and visit her. To this day she looks exactly like her mama did when she was her age. I do probably sound like I have an ax to grind with this “BOY” who happen to wed his daughter and give him the granddaughter he has this day. Honestly I really do. I remember a phone conversation with him once many years ago where he had threatened to file charges on me for “Defamation of Character”, because I was saying I think he was responsible for her death. She wasn’t an addict. She did take a pain pill here and there when she would get migraine headaches, and maybe even a Valium for anxiety here and there. That was it though. Her mother nor her father have ever seen her in a state of stupor where she completely was nodded out not aware of her surroundings. She was always bright eyed and bushy tailed every time I ever saw her. So for her to have all the drugs the doctors were saying she had in her system, baffled even me. If her husband was so madly in love with her why did he not cry or even freak out just a little bit while all of this was going on? Questions everyone has that only he knows all the answers to. As I said it could very well just be this over active imagination I have along with my habit of over thinking that leads me to believe these things about him. It was just so convenient for him is all I’m saying.

With all that being said I’m going to close this subject once and for all. Lay it to rest with all the beautiful memories I have of her and everyone that loved her has. I could really use some feed back on why my feeling of his involvement is so strong, even after all these years have passed.

About Post Author

BooBoo

I'd rather read a good book, VS watching the movie made from it on TV. Most thoughts on that are 'why'. Well, my answer for that is that there aren't any limitations to your imagination. Therefore, when I'm reading an action packed thriller that I can't put down or stop turning the pages of is because the details are written by the author describing the scene/situation with such clarity, that I think it's far better than what anyone can visibly see on TV. That being my opinion only, I'm sure millions and billions of avid readers out there agree with me 100% on that reason alone. I've always had an active imagination growing up. I'd use the almost empty cans of shaving cream my dad would give me, as the whipped cream on top of the mud pies I made.Of course dad got the first one. After all, he did give me the topping. I was very versatile also. I was the biggest tom boy of a little girl you'd ever see one day. To dividing Barbie clothes between me and my older sister (when I was lucky enough to get her to play with me). I had to play by her rules though. Perks of being the older sibling I guess. I loved playing with the Hot Wheel's cars in the dirt. Making race tracks and underground tunnels I'd dig out for them. Sometimes my dad would be outside with me showing me all kinds of different things I could pretend to do when playing cars. I have one day in particular that stands out among the rest. It was when I learned to do the underground tunnels for the cars to go through. He showed me by taking a simple stick off the ground and using it like a tool to push the dirt out from one side to the other. It wasn't a tunnel without keeping the top part intact. I acted like there was a cave-in, and then accidents, crashing the cars together. No one ever got hurt in my imagination though, just the cars got hurt. Growing up with a sister 6-years older than me taught me lots of things, both good and bad. If I kept her secrets, she kept mine. And the only reason I even had any secrets was because she allowed me to. I got to sneak and smoke in her bedroom at night after our parents went to bed. I had to be very quiet because I got caught most of the time. But I was always caught by our momma. And then all she made me do was get back in bed. I came from a poor family so anything name brand wasn't known to me for a long time. I was bullied and made fun of all throughout my school years. It doesn't matter which year you pick. From the 1st grade, all the way through high school. I know that's terrible to have to admit, but I think it'd be even worse having to admit to being the bully. I swore to myself I'd never treat anyone the way those kids treated me and made me feel. It bothered me so bad I'd dream about standing up for, and actually fighting over other kids getting bullied. I woke up all of a sudden one morning after punching the lights out of a bully in my dream. When I really punched the headboard and made my knuckles bleed. Come on! When a child is taking on the burden of other bullied kids, you know that's a heavy burden to bear. It was also very hard on me. I never talked about it to my parents though. Yeah, they knew. But back then no one really knew what to do about that problem like they do now. Or, well, think they do. I've been in counseling since starting school. I can't remember a day going by without me seeing the school guidance counselor. Shout out to Mrs. Reeves though, at Lone Oak High School. She made the biggest impression on me as far as wanting to help other kids like me. The bullies were actually the kids who came from well-to-do families. Kids who never knew what it was like to experience the disappointment of being told 'No'. Or that there wasn't enough money to buy what they wanted. Kids that figured there wasn't anything better to do except make fun of the less fortunate to get them through their day or to have a conversation piece. The anger and hatred that built up inside of me was, and still is undescribable. The thoughts they caused me to have. Picturing the tables being turned and the bad things said back to them, bad things being done back to them. It only made me feel better on the inside. I've been asked by numerous doctors in my life if I'm suicidal. I've answered no, being completely honest each time. But never have they asked if I've felt homicidal! I know, scary right? The outcome of such thoughts is what triggered the start of mass school shootings. Coming into adulthood was strange territory for me as well, and actually caused me a lot of uncomfortable times, knowing things I knew I could now do but never felt comfortable ever talking about. Even with my sister, the person I was closest to, I couldn't open up and freely talk about anything of the sexual nature. I guess because bad things have happened to me on more than one occasion when I was still very much an innocent child. With me hiding such horrid things from my parents, along with everyone else, I felt I couldn't talk about the good kind of sex either. Man did that ever set me back, keeping me immature of certain things I should've known already but didn't. Because in my mind I was still that child who was hurt in a bad way. They were called 'Red Touches' back then. What we were taught to call them in school anyways. Then just when I was becoming independent and living on my own, learning to stand up for myself in a way that would make my sister proud of me, I lost her. That caused me to go into a deep depression I didn't come out of for many years afterwards. March 29, 2003 changed my life forever. I lost my 2-year old nephew that night to a raging house fire. My sister passed 17 days later in the burn unit in Vanderbilt, Tennessee. However, if you've read 'My Story', a post on my blog. Then you'll know that in order for me to know what I now know, and to be the person that I now am, all of the bad shit had to happen first or else I wouldn't have caught and held onto the message so vital for me to have acquired in my life. Helping the less fortunate. Being someone's somebody they can depend on being there when they need them the most. After receiving confirmation that my nephew didn't suffer, not for one second in that house fire... Was I able to let that burden go, only to let in that oxygen, that life support I desperately needed to save myself from a lifetime of misery. Even though I know my sister, Jennifer, isn't physically here to cheer and root me on. I know without a shadow of a doubt, her and Lil Jesse (my nephew) are both doing so from Heaven today, and everyday that follows. If you're suffering from addiction of any kind and you want or need someone to talk to I'm a damn good listener! My contact information is listed on my contact page. Please call, reach out for support. You're not alone no matter what negative thoughts are telling you that you are. God is always there for you as well. If you'd like to learn more about Jesus and how He died to save us, don't hesitate to ask. I'll share what I know is all good, and positive about God. Whom I choose to call my higher power. If you don't believe in God, then the subject will not be pushed. EVER! If you're battling mental health issues and feel alone like no one knows what you feel like. Then I'm here to tell you there's billions of people out there that will share with you that they too, feel just like you do. Hit me up on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter. All of my accounts should be connected to my website. If you're waiting on me to respond and it's been a while since you tried getting in touch with me, then by all means be more persistent and bug the shit out of me. Make me see your messages. I will eventually and I'll always reply when I can. This is the best I think I've written in this 'about me' section. It's the most I've opened up publicly I know that. I'm open minded, I keep it 100 all of the time, even if it's something I don't like myself, or for others, I still have to keep it 100 with myself in order for me to keep it that way with everyone else. I hope this told everyone a little bit about me, maybe more than I originally intended. But it's all accurate and up to date with where I'm at in my life right now. Thank you all and God Bless
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