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My 2 Days Off. What I wanted to do the most, is what I was distracted from doing!

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I originally started this post either last night or very early this morning. Either way I’m finishing it now, lol. So the 2 days I had off were spent just chilling out and I wanted to do nothing but write about all of the things I wanted to get off my chest, or get advice on. One of the main things on my mind is my son. He has moved back in with us and has taken over my daughter’s old room. Before he was moved in there though he said, and I quote, “If I go in there and stay I’m going to feel stuck here”. I told him of course he wouldn’t be, and why would he think that? All me and his dad want to do is help him save money, (which by the way he sucks at doing). He’s now been with us wll ove a year and don’t even have $300 saved up. Yes. That’s what I just said. He gets pissy every payday because his dad makes him go to the ATM and get all his money and give it to dad so he can put it in the save with the little bit he does have saved up. He took him to our bedroom just the other day and had a talk with him about him starting to give him ALL the money from his check except for the basic essentials he may need. Plus supporting his own smoking habit. I found out he hadn’t gave my husband any money to save for the past 2-3 pay checks, and I was so livid. If you only knew how I spoiled my kids. I know I don’t need to do it. But I really think it’s too late with him. He’ll be 21 yrs old this December but he still has so much to learn about life and having to save his money, and put back for his bills, rent, gas money, you get the just of what I’m saying. I even had a talk with him not too long ago. We were in my room talking over the peace pipe. So I asked him if he was afraid to move out and be on his own? He obviously he said no. Still though I pressed a little more. Next I asked him if he was still gonna need dad’s help with putting money back for his rent and his bills every month. I made it clear he’d be right back in the current situation if he didn’t. I don’t think he’s responsible enough to handle that on his own. Then he admitted it. I wasn’t shocked or dismayed. Why? Because I already knew. I know how he works, thinks and operates wat better than he think’s I do. OMG!! He loves to debate and argue about everything. I hate it so freaking much. How can he possibly act just like his biological father, when he wasn’t even raised around him or even with him? That baffles me beyond belief! I’m dead serious you guys. I’m planningf on having an intervention with him today. One of the main things we all have an ordeal with is that he never comes out of his room. Only to use the bathroom or eat. Oh, and work. I can count on both hands the number of times he has left my home and went to hang out with friends. Yeah! It’s like that! Also, since I have broken every promise I ever made to them both, I vowed not to ever do it again. I came out a brandnew person with an actual outlook on life I had traken a parenting class while I was still in county. I actually retained knowledge of some of the material we studied or went over. It’s working better than I ever thought it would. My son though? He is entirely his own person and you will never in your life meet anyone remotley like him. (Except biological genes) When I say he debates about everything, that’s exactly what I mean! He will make you want to grab him by his shoulders and just shake the shit out of him! Dead serios you guys. His X-Box is so much more important than being interactive with his own family. Not even his X-ZBox, technology period!!! He has to have either the game, his phone, or dammit something connected to the internet. I can’t take it anymore and I’m so frustrated about the whole situation he’s putting me in to have this talk with him. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I’m afraid that it’s just gonna have to happen. Make him realize how he’s choosing to live his life while under our roof isn’t acceptable. He doesn’t interact or socialize with any of us. I mean he mainly talks to me and his siter when he does talk. With me it’s ALWAYS when I get home from work, go to my room, and sit down to pack my bowel amd smoke and relax. OH! That’ll bring him out of his room real quick especially if he hasn’t had any. I’m not lying either. He’s been using the hell out of me and I have been letting him do it. WTF!! My own kid has been getting over on me with me freaking knowing about it. Literally I have had that talk with myself. Swear it!! It just really mkaes me think what does he think about what he’s doing and how he’s always getting got onto for not getting enough sleep because oif him staying up playing his game. I have even been waking him up for work like I did when he was in school. Like we do for my daughter now.Almost through with my shift and I know whats coming and I’m not really looking forward to it. I’m totally open to suggestions. Later…

About Post Author

BooBoo

I'd rather read a good book, VS watching the movie made from it on TV. Most thoughts on that are 'why'. Well, my answer for that is that there aren't any limitations to your imagination. Therefore, when I'm reading an action packed thriller that I can't put down or stop turning the pages of is because the details are written by the author describing the scene/situation with such clarity, that I think it's far better than what anyone can visibly see on TV. That being my opinion only, I'm sure millions and billions of avid readers out there agree with me 100% on that reason alone. I've always had an active imagination growing up. I'd use the almost empty cans of shaving cream my dad would give me, as the whipped cream on top of the mud pies I made.Of course dad got the first one. After all, he did give me the topping. I was very versatile also. I was the biggest tom boy of a little girl you'd ever see one day. To dividing Barbie clothes between me and my older sister (when I was lucky enough to get her to play with me). I had to play by her rules though. Perks of being the older sibling I guess. I loved playing with the Hot Wheel's cars in the dirt. Making race tracks and underground tunnels I'd dig out for them. Sometimes my dad would be outside with me showing me all kinds of different things I could pretend to do when playing cars. I have one day in particular that stands out among the rest. It was when I learned to do the underground tunnels for the cars to go through. He showed me by taking a simple stick off the ground and using it like a tool to push the dirt out from one side to the other. It wasn't a tunnel without keeping the top part intact. I acted like there was a cave-in, and then accidents, crashing the cars together. No one ever got hurt in my imagination though, just the cars got hurt. Growing up with a sister 6-years older than me taught me lots of things, both good and bad. If I kept her secrets, she kept mine. And the only reason I even had any secrets was because she allowed me to. I got to sneak and smoke in her bedroom at night after our parents went to bed. I had to be very quiet because I got caught most of the time. But I was always caught by our momma. And then all she made me do was get back in bed. I came from a poor family so anything name brand wasn't known to me for a long time. I was bullied and made fun of all throughout my school years. It doesn't matter which year you pick. From the 1st grade, all the way through high school. I know that's terrible to have to admit, but I think it'd be even worse having to admit to being the bully. I swore to myself I'd never treat anyone the way those kids treated me and made me feel. It bothered me so bad I'd dream about standing up for, and actually fighting over other kids getting bullied. I woke up all of a sudden one morning after punching the lights out of a bully in my dream. When I really punched the headboard and made my knuckles bleed. Come on! When a child is taking on the burden of other bullied kids, you know that's a heavy burden to bear. It was also very hard on me. I never talked about it to my parents though. Yeah, they knew. But back then no one really knew what to do about that problem like they do now. Or, well, think they do. I've been in counseling since starting school. I can't remember a day going by without me seeing the school guidance counselor. Shout out to Mrs. Reeves though, at Lone Oak High School. She made the biggest impression on me as far as wanting to help other kids like me. The bullies were actually the kids who came from well-to-do families. Kids who never knew what it was like to experience the disappointment of being told 'No'. Or that there wasn't enough money to buy what they wanted. Kids that figured there wasn't anything better to do except make fun of the less fortunate to get them through their day or to have a conversation piece. The anger and hatred that built up inside of me was, and still is undescribable. The thoughts they caused me to have. Picturing the tables being turned and the bad things said back to them, bad things being done back to them. It only made me feel better on the inside. I've been asked by numerous doctors in my life if I'm suicidal. I've answered no, being completely honest each time. But never have they asked if I've felt homicidal! I know, scary right? The outcome of such thoughts is what triggered the start of mass school shootings. Coming into adulthood was strange territory for me as well, and actually caused me a lot of uncomfortable times, knowing things I knew I could now do but never felt comfortable ever talking about. Even with my sister, the person I was closest to, I couldn't open up and freely talk about anything of the sexual nature. I guess because bad things have happened to me on more than one occasion when I was still very much an innocent child. With me hiding such horrid things from my parents, along with everyone else, I felt I couldn't talk about the good kind of sex either. Man did that ever set me back, keeping me immature of certain things I should've known already but didn't. Because in my mind I was still that child who was hurt in a bad way. They were called 'Red Touches' back then. What we were taught to call them in school anyways. Then just when I was becoming independent and living on my own, learning to stand up for myself in a way that would make my sister proud of me, I lost her. That caused me to go into a deep depression I didn't come out of for many years afterwards. March 29, 2003 changed my life forever. I lost my 2-year old nephew that night to a raging house fire. My sister passed 17 days later in the burn unit in Vanderbilt, Tennessee. However, if you've read 'My Story', a post on my blog. Then you'll know that in order for me to know what I now know, and to be the person that I now am, all of the bad shit had to happen first or else I wouldn't have caught and held onto the message so vital for me to have acquired in my life. Helping the less fortunate. Being someone's somebody they can depend on being there when they need them the most. After receiving confirmation that my nephew didn't suffer, not for one second in that house fire... Was I able to let that burden go, only to let in that oxygen, that life support I desperately needed to save myself from a lifetime of misery. Even though I know my sister, Jennifer, isn't physically here to cheer and root me on. I know without a shadow of a doubt, her and Lil Jesse (my nephew) are both doing so from Heaven today, and everyday that follows. If you're suffering from addiction of any kind and you want or need someone to talk to I'm a damn good listener! My contact information is listed on my contact page. Please call, reach out for support. You're not alone no matter what negative thoughts are telling you that you are. God is always there for you as well. If you'd like to learn more about Jesus and how He died to save us, don't hesitate to ask. I'll share what I know is all good, and positive about God. Whom I choose to call my higher power. If you don't believe in God, then the subject will not be pushed. EVER! If you're battling mental health issues and feel alone like no one knows what you feel like. Then I'm here to tell you there's billions of people out there that will share with you that they too, feel just like you do. Hit me up on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter. All of my accounts should be connected to my website. If you're waiting on me to respond and it's been a while since you tried getting in touch with me, then by all means be more persistent and bug the shit out of me. Make me see your messages. I will eventually and I'll always reply when I can. This is the best I think I've written in this 'about me' section. It's the most I've opened up publicly I know that. I'm open minded, I keep it 100 all of the time, even if it's something I don't like myself, or for others, I still have to keep it 100 with myself in order for me to keep it that way with everyone else. I hope this told everyone a little bit about me, maybe more than I originally intended. But it's all accurate and up to date with where I'm at in my life right now. Thank you all and God Bless
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