I showed up this morning to work and told myself it was going to be a good day. I arrived at 6am and we were short handed again. The new guy no-call-no-showed 3 days in a row so he’s now fired. Most companies wouldnhave fired him after the first one. Anyways, my one crew member nwasmon line, then we hasd the biscuit maker, plus the lady in drive thru taking orders and the shift manager that was coordinating for her. (I’m about to tell a little TMI) I went to the bathroom because #2 was on it’s way. It usually alway takes me a little time to get the bowel monevment out. I looked at the time when I went in there and the time I finished. Why? I’m notorious fior taking a minute to use the bathroom, but I made sure the GM knew that when I was hired in. So i finish up and go back to the grill and fill the plastic pans with enough eggs to last for me to step out and smoke a cigarette. So I went up front to ask permission and not just walk out and go smoke anyway. I’ve gotten into trouble for doing that also so I stopped doing that and started making sure I ask. Well the manager told me no that i had to wait. I had already been working for almost 3 hours and hadn’t asked once to go smoke the entire time I was there. Usually I’m asking after being there just an hour. Here lately I have been making it longer and longer before even asking to smoke. After he told me no I was thinking he was just messing around. I nsaid seriously? He said yes I’m serious. I said nothing and went back to the kitchen an started to make some more eggs and lay sausage to cook cause we were running low. I started talking to my co-worker about why he told me I couldn’t smoke a cig. He said I was in the bathroom 20 minutes, which was pure bullshit. It took me 7 minutes. He assumed I was talking shit about him and bitchinbg because he told me no. I said I’m not being disrepectful to you, I just don’t understand why only me ever gets anything said to, or got on to, over anything. It was always petty shit too. He told me very rudley to shut up! It took everything in me not to smart off right back. I didn’t though. I did what he told me to do. Then he heard me say I was about to call the head honcho, the GM, and tell her what was going on. Only what I was going to tell her was the truth. Not some made up crap by a manager that I unintentionally pissed off. So after I sqaid I was going to call the boss he jumped right on it and made sure he got his side of things told before I ever had the chance. He told me to clock out and leave. I continued to pull the eggs off the grill to place in the pan. I did get loud and I did defend myself, but not once did I call him out his name or disrespect him or his authority. The fact he is way younger than me doesn’t matter. He is my manager and I gave him that respect. Today however he acted very petty and immature over me having to poop and then asking to go outside and smoke. Out of nowhere, the woman that was order taker in drive thru, opened her mouth and started bitching and complaining and threatened to leave. Saying she’s had enough of the bullshit and she was going home. That was when the shift manager really got mad and clocked me out himself, came to back line and slammed my clock out slip on the prep table. Then said get tf out, leave, go home, I’m done talking to you. That was when I opened my mouth and told nhim if henwanted respect then he had to give it. If not he’s gonna be walked on his entire life. I went up front and made me a drink before I left. As I was walking towards the back door to leave, without arguing or being out of line, when the woman from drive thru followed me back there cussing me for everything I was worth. She called me a whore, said I was always high, and I’d better leave before she hit me. My eyes got so big you guys. She literally had no reason to even be involved in what was going on between me and the manager. Not shit! After she said she was gonna hit me I said, “Please do, I want you to.” Then before I walked out the door I got petty myself and told her she needed to look in the mirror before she called anyone a whore. I was crying too, not because I was sad and my feelings were hurt, but because I was SO mad. I was ready to put my hands on someone. The best thing I could do in that moment was walk out the door, which is exactly what I did. While I was waiting on my husband to come pick me up,I started a message the the GM telling her exactly how everything went down. I also told her if she has access to the cameras the she could pull up the footage and see what really happened. And if it recorded audio to be sure qnd listen to the unprofessional things that were said to me and the names I was called. Name calling doesn’t even bother me frfr. But all I did for all that to happen was use the bathroom, then ask to go smoke. That innocent question turned into worst morning ever. It’s not just this place I work at now where things like this have happened to me. It’s been at almost every job I’ve had. I’m one of the nicest ppl you’ll ever meet and srtill ppl find some reason to dislike me or get on to me for the pettiest shit ever. Example, what I just wrote about. I wasn’t fired though. At least so far I haven’t recieved a call telling me not to come back. Thank goodness. I really like my job there despite the few ppl who don’t care for me. I’m not gonna let them run me off and I feel like thats what they are trying to do. Not the hiring manager. She knows I’m a good worker and I pick up other ppl’s slack. When I relapsed it just so happen to be a day I was scheduled to work. I was so messed up they told me it took 7 minutes for me to make eggs. I was like DAM. It only takes a few seconds to fry those eggs on that hot ass grill. Then on a seperate day I was in the back in the dry stock area sitting on the floor nodding out and trying to counr baggies. Why? I haven’t a clue. I was high. This Angle that works there during the day as well in maintanence pivked me up off the floor andf put me striaght on me feet an told mre get my shit together. He never told anyone either. The day I was gonna get fired was the day I wqas also given that 2nd chance, and put on a weeks probation. If I called in or missed any days I had to have a doctors excuse. So I was hired into the company after the probation period was up. I literally begged my GM for that 2nd chance. All the while crying like a baby. It wasn pathetic if you really think about it. To me it is anyways.
This selfie isn’t from today. This day was actually a dam good day. As you can see I’m all natural. No filter an no makeup. This time (almost 3 yrs ago) I weighed right at 300lbs. Since I’ve been home I have gotten dwn to 214lbs. I’ve lost a whole person just about. All from working. I got a job at Wendy’s 11 days after my release, and have been employed ever since. Man I was so big I had to wear mens pants because I didn’t even know my size in women’s clothing. So I just went to the salvation army, picked through what they had as far as jeans or work pants. As I said I never checked the size and if I did I don’t remember. I’m serious you guys. I was huge, This is what I look like now though. Hard work pays off. I’ve had many bad days. Days that made me want to eat a handful of xanax an just pass tf out. I didn’t do it though. Not right away anyhow. I relapsed after about a month or 2 of working there. That was the first and the last time it’s happened. I also spoke about this earlier. See, I have a tendancy to repeat myself. Especially if it’s something weighing heavy on my mind. Well I hd to get that out of my system. If I don’t write then I feel like I might explode on someone undeserving of my anger and frustration.
I'd rather read a good book, VS watching the movie made from it on TV. Most thoughts on that are 'why'. Well, my answer for that is that there aren't any limitations to your imagination. Therefore, when I'm reading an action packed thriller that I can't put down or stop turning the pages of is because the details are written by the author describing the scene/situation with such clarity, that I think it's far better than what anyone can visibly see on TV. That being my opinion only, I'm sure millions and billions of avid readers out there agree with me 100% on that reason alone. I've always had an active imagination growing up. I'd use the almost empty cans of shaving cream my dad would give me, as the whipped cream on top of the mud pies I made.Of course dad got the first one. After all, he did give me the topping. I was very versatile also. I was the biggest tom boy of a little girl you'd ever see one day. To dividing Barbie clothes between me and my older sister (when I was lucky enough to get her to play with me). I had to play by her rules though. Perks of being the older sibling I guess. I loved playing with the Hot Wheel's cars in the dirt. Making race tracks and underground tunnels I'd dig out for them. Sometimes my dad would be outside with me showing me all kinds of different things I could pretend to do when playing cars. I have one day in particular that stands out among the rest. It was when I learned to do the underground tunnels for the cars to go through. He showed me by taking a simple stick off the ground and using it like a tool to push the dirt out from one side to the other. It wasn't a tunnel without keeping the top part intact. I acted like there was a cave-in, and then accidents, crashing the cars together. No one ever got hurt in my imagination though, just the cars got hurt. Growing up with a sister 6-years older than me taught me lots of things, both good and bad. If I kept her secrets, she kept mine. And the only reason I even had any secrets was because she allowed me to. I got to sneak and smoke in her bedroom at night after our parents went to bed. I had to be very quiet because I got caught most of the time. But I was always caught by our momma. And then all she made me do was get back in bed. I came from a poor family so anything name brand wasn't known to me for a long time. I was bullied and made fun of all throughout my school years. It doesn't matter which year you pick. From the 1st grade, all the way through high school. I know that's terrible to have to admit, but I think it'd be even worse having to admit to being the bully. I swore to myself I'd never treat anyone the way those kids treated me and made me feel. It bothered me so bad I'd dream about standing up for, and actually fighting over other kids getting bullied. I woke up all of a sudden one morning after punching the lights out of a bully in my dream. When I really punched the headboard and made my knuckles bleed. Come on! When a child is taking on the burden of other bullied kids, you know that's a heavy burden to bear. It was also very hard on me. I never talked about it to my parents though. Yeah, they knew. But back then no one really knew what to do about that problem like they do now. Or, well, think they do. I've been in counseling since starting school. I can't remember a day going by without me seeing the school guidance counselor. Shout out to Mrs. Reeves though, at Lone Oak High School. She made the biggest impression on me as far as wanting to help other kids like me. The bullies were actually the kids who came from well-to-do families. Kids who never knew what it was like to experience the disappointment of being told 'No'. Or that there wasn't enough money to buy what they wanted. Kids that figured there wasn't anything better to do except make fun of the less fortunate to get them through their day or to have a conversation piece. The anger and hatred that built up inside of me was, and still is undescribable. The thoughts they caused me to have. Picturing the tables being turned and the bad things said back to them, bad things being done back to them. It only made me feel better on the inside. I've been asked by numerous doctors in my life if I'm suicidal. I've answered no, being completely honest each time. But never have they asked if I've felt homicidal! I know, scary right? The outcome of such thoughts is what triggered the start of mass school shootings. Coming into adulthood was strange territory for me as well, and actually caused me a lot of uncomfortable times, knowing things I knew I could now do but never felt comfortable ever talking about. Even with my sister, the person I was closest to, I couldn't open up and freely talk about anything of the sexual nature. I guess because bad things have happened to me on more than one occasion when I was still very much an innocent child. With me hiding such horrid things from my parents, along with everyone else, I felt I couldn't talk about the good kind of sex either. Man did that ever set me back, keeping me immature of certain things I should've known already but didn't. Because in my mind I was still that child who was hurt in a bad way. They were called 'Red Touches' back then. What we were taught to call them in school anyways. Then just when I was becoming independent and living on my own, learning to stand up for myself in a way that would make my sister proud of me, I lost her. That caused me to go into a deep depression I didn't come out of for many years afterwards. March 29, 2003 changed my life forever. I lost my 2-year old nephew that night to a raging house fire. My sister passed 17 days later in the burn unit in Vanderbilt, Tennessee. However, if you've read 'My Story', a post on my blog. Then you'll know that in order for me to know what I now know, and to be the person that I now am, all of the bad shit had to happen first or else I wouldn't have caught and held onto the message so vital for me to have acquired in my life. Helping the less fortunate. Being someone's somebody they can depend on being there when they need them the most. After receiving confirmation that my nephew didn't suffer, not for one second in that house fire... Was I able to let that burden go, only to let in that oxygen, that life support I desperately needed to save myself from a lifetime of misery. Even though I know my sister, Jennifer, isn't physically here to cheer and root me on. I know without a shadow of a doubt, her and Lil Jesse (my nephew) are both doing so from Heaven today, and everyday that follows. If you're suffering from addiction of any kind and you want or need someone to talk to I'm a damn good listener! My contact information is listed on my contact page. Please call, reach out for support. You're not alone no matter what negative thoughts are telling you that you are. God is always there for you as well. If you'd like to learn more about Jesus and how He died to save us, don't hesitate to ask. I'll share what I know is all good, and positive about God. Whom I choose to call my higher power. If you don't believe in God, then the subject will not be pushed. EVER! If you're battling mental health issues and feel alone like no one knows what you feel like. Then I'm here to tell you there's billions of people out there that will share with you that they too, feel just like you do. Hit me up on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter. All of my accounts should be connected to my website. If you're waiting on me to respond and it's been a while since you tried getting in touch with me, then by all means be more persistent and bug the shit out of me. Make me see your messages. I will eventually and I'll always reply when I can. This is the best I think I've written in this 'about me' section. It's the most I've opened up publicly I know that. I'm open minded, I keep it 100 all of the time, even if it's something I don't like myself, or for others, I still have to keep it 100 with myself in order for me to keep it that way with everyone else. I hope this told everyone a little bit about me, maybe more than I originally intended. But it's all accurate and up to date with where I'm at in my life right now. Thank you all and God Bless
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