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UGH!! I can’t win for losing

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So as I’ve posted in some of the last few blogs, I’ve had the worst wk ever! “Flow” can leave any mf time she wants, jus sayin. I’m so sore all over my body because I promised BabyGirl (my dog) that I’d walk her in the backyard if she did a trick for me. She did it but I continued talking to my son who was outside with me. Well she started growling and barking at me trying to get my attention and I was like, “oh I forgot to take you out back. I’m sorry.” I unhooked her from where she was tied up at and set off towards the backyard. Well the handle to the leash slipped out my hand and she was so happy just to be in the grass she hadn’t the slightest clue I didn’t have hold of the handle. She was so freaking excited to be in the yard and she was running around in circles and marking her territory every where she possibly could. I finally got her to stop so I couod grab the leash. Her on the other hand wasn;t ready to stop running. So me being the spoiling type, I ran with hewr in circles or where ever she wanted to wonder to. Then the other day at work I couldn’t understand why was so damn sore. Then it dawned on me I ran with her all over our yard. That was why I was hurting so bad. Not my back either. Which is what I usually have problems with, but it was my legs and my knees. Especially when i had to bend or squat to get something. Oh man it was horrible.

Some of the ppl I worek with are young asf and are so immature and it pisses me off to the point where sometimes I just want to smack them and ask what tf is wrong with em. For some reason this months cycle has been the worst since I can ever remember. I know some of you are like eew gross. Well, try being in my shoes while on it. Talk about mood swings. OMG! I snapped on my son yesterday so bad. He’s supposed to be saving money out of every paycheck to go to him finding and moving into his own place. My husband told me he hasn’t put money towards getting his own place the last 3-4 checks. I’m, not gonna lie it made me upset. Why? Because I have been supporting his cigarette habit among other things just for that reason soley. The money he didn’t have to spend on cigs an othr things should have went toward his savings. Thats WHY I was doing it. Then I find out he’s not saved shit in almost 2 months mjust went all through me. I made him comew in my room, shut the door and he and I had a one on one. I hurt his feelings so bad that I made him cry. That made me feel like such shit man. I still hate myself for doing it but sometimes things just have to be done the hard way in order to get it into someone’s head that they are messing up and they need to get their head game back in place insyead of thinking only of his X-box and the ppl he calls friends online. Not saying they aren’t his friend just that he gets so consumed with his game it ovder takes his responsibilities. He’ll be 21 this year and still is acting like he’s 16. What do I do? He secludes himself in the room he staying in all day and doesn’t socially interact with anyone in the house at all. He’ll leave every now an then an go out with one of his female friends from work. Other than that he remains to himself. We hardly ever see him eat. (he does meat though so you know) He tends to wait when everyone (mom & dad) goes to bed before he’ll go raid the kitchen to get him something to eat. Plus I bring him food from my job almost everyday if not every other. I recieved a snap from him telling me how mentally unstable he is right now and how much money he owes several ppl. He’s complaining about having to pay some of his way through life but thats what being a grown up is about. Working to make money to have a place to live, paying yoiur bills, gas for his transpotation, rent, groceries, ect. Now he’s bitching and complaining about not having money left over to go out with his friends or to buy the newest release of any game he loves playing. You have to do without the small things in life to gain the bigger things you need first. He hates being an adult now and having to pay his way and not being able to blow his money o games or weed. I made him comne to my room so we could talk. I said I was sorry fior hurting his feelings the way I did but that was the only waqy I could get it in his head, and for him to snap out of whatever funk he’s in. Please keep me an my fam in you guys prayers. Thanks a bunch

About Post Author

BooBoo

I'd rather read a good book, VS watching the movie made from it on TV. Most thoughts on that are 'why'. Well, my answer for that is that there aren't any limitations to your imagination. Therefore, when I'm reading an action packed thriller that I can't put down or stop turning the pages of is because the details are written by the author describing the scene/situation with such clarity, that I think it's far better than what anyone can visibly see on TV. That being my opinion only, I'm sure millions and billions of avid readers out there agree with me 100% on that reason alone. I've always had an active imagination growing up. I'd use the almost empty cans of shaving cream my dad would give me, as the whipped cream on top of the mud pies I made.Of course dad got the first one. After all, he did give me the topping. I was very versatile also. I was the biggest tom boy of a little girl you'd ever see one day. To dividing Barbie clothes between me and my older sister (when I was lucky enough to get her to play with me). I had to play by her rules though. Perks of being the older sibling I guess. I loved playing with the Hot Wheel's cars in the dirt. Making race tracks and underground tunnels I'd dig out for them. Sometimes my dad would be outside with me showing me all kinds of different things I could pretend to do when playing cars. I have one day in particular that stands out among the rest. It was when I learned to do the underground tunnels for the cars to go through. He showed me by taking a simple stick off the ground and using it like a tool to push the dirt out from one side to the other. It wasn't a tunnel without keeping the top part intact. I acted like there was a cave-in, and then accidents, crashing the cars together. No one ever got hurt in my imagination though, just the cars got hurt. Growing up with a sister 6-years older than me taught me lots of things, both good and bad. If I kept her secrets, she kept mine. And the only reason I even had any secrets was because she allowed me to. I got to sneak and smoke in her bedroom at night after our parents went to bed. I had to be very quiet because I got caught most of the time. But I was always caught by our momma. And then all she made me do was get back in bed. I came from a poor family so anything name brand wasn't known to me for a long time. I was bullied and made fun of all throughout my school years. It doesn't matter which year you pick. From the 1st grade, all the way through high school. I know that's terrible to have to admit, but I think it'd be even worse having to admit to being the bully. I swore to myself I'd never treat anyone the way those kids treated me and made me feel. It bothered me so bad I'd dream about standing up for, and actually fighting over other kids getting bullied. I woke up all of a sudden one morning after punching the lights out of a bully in my dream. When I really punched the headboard and made my knuckles bleed. Come on! When a child is taking on the burden of other bullied kids, you know that's a heavy burden to bear. It was also very hard on me. I never talked about it to my parents though. Yeah, they knew. But back then no one really knew what to do about that problem like they do now. Or, well, think they do. I've been in counseling since starting school. I can't remember a day going by without me seeing the school guidance counselor. Shout out to Mrs. Reeves though, at Lone Oak High School. She made the biggest impression on me as far as wanting to help other kids like me. The bullies were actually the kids who came from well-to-do families. Kids who never knew what it was like to experience the disappointment of being told 'No'. Or that there wasn't enough money to buy what they wanted. Kids that figured there wasn't anything better to do except make fun of the less fortunate to get them through their day or to have a conversation piece. The anger and hatred that built up inside of me was, and still is undescribable. The thoughts they caused me to have. Picturing the tables being turned and the bad things said back to them, bad things being done back to them. It only made me feel better on the inside. I've been asked by numerous doctors in my life if I'm suicidal. I've answered no, being completely honest each time. But never have they asked if I've felt homicidal! I know, scary right? The outcome of such thoughts is what triggered the start of mass school shootings. Coming into adulthood was strange territory for me as well, and actually caused me a lot of uncomfortable times, knowing things I knew I could now do but never felt comfortable ever talking about. Even with my sister, the person I was closest to, I couldn't open up and freely talk about anything of the sexual nature. I guess because bad things have happened to me on more than one occasion when I was still very much an innocent child. With me hiding such horrid things from my parents, along with everyone else, I felt I couldn't talk about the good kind of sex either. Man did that ever set me back, keeping me immature of certain things I should've known already but didn't. Because in my mind I was still that child who was hurt in a bad way. They were called 'Red Touches' back then. What we were taught to call them in school anyways. Then just when I was becoming independent and living on my own, learning to stand up for myself in a way that would make my sister proud of me, I lost her. That caused me to go into a deep depression I didn't come out of for many years afterwards. March 29, 2003 changed my life forever. I lost my 2-year old nephew that night to a raging house fire. My sister passed 17 days later in the burn unit in Vanderbilt, Tennessee. However, if you've read 'My Story', a post on my blog. Then you'll know that in order for me to know what I now know, and to be the person that I now am, all of the bad shit had to happen first or else I wouldn't have caught and held onto the message so vital for me to have acquired in my life. Helping the less fortunate. Being someone's somebody they can depend on being there when they need them the most. After receiving confirmation that my nephew didn't suffer, not for one second in that house fire... Was I able to let that burden go, only to let in that oxygen, that life support I desperately needed to save myself from a lifetime of misery. Even though I know my sister, Jennifer, isn't physically here to cheer and root me on. I know without a shadow of a doubt, her and Lil Jesse (my nephew) are both doing so from Heaven today, and everyday that follows. If you're suffering from addiction of any kind and you want or need someone to talk to I'm a damn good listener! My contact information is listed on my contact page. Please call, reach out for support. You're not alone no matter what negative thoughts are telling you that you are. God is always there for you as well. If you'd like to learn more about Jesus and how He died to save us, don't hesitate to ask. I'll share what I know is all good, and positive about God. Whom I choose to call my higher power. If you don't believe in God, then the subject will not be pushed. EVER! If you're battling mental health issues and feel alone like no one knows what you feel like. Then I'm here to tell you there's billions of people out there that will share with you that they too, feel just like you do. Hit me up on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter. All of my accounts should be connected to my website. If you're waiting on me to respond and it's been a while since you tried getting in touch with me, then by all means be more persistent and bug the shit out of me. Make me see your messages. I will eventually and I'll always reply when I can. This is the best I think I've written in this 'about me' section. It's the most I've opened up publicly I know that. I'm open minded, I keep it 100 all of the time, even if it's something I don't like myself, or for others, I still have to keep it 100 with myself in order for me to keep it that way with everyone else. I hope this told everyone a little bit about me, maybe more than I originally intended. But it's all accurate and up to date with where I'm at in my life right now. Thank you all and God Bless
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