My neighbor was not only one of my best friends, but was always there for me and has helped me out wheneve I was in need regardless what it was I may have needed. She’s the type to give the shirt off her back to anyone that may need it. I was in active addiction an I did the most messed up shit to her. Earlier that day I had already stole an entire script of xannax. I won’t say where or tell details on that. So, anyways I ended up catching a burlary charge because I stole her script too. She walked straight into her living room an almost caught me in her purse. Instead she just caught me in her home. I lied with the quikest thing I could come up with and quickly said,” I’m coming across some bars in the morning an I just wanted to let you know.” She was like, “Okay, but you need to lesave because if Mark wakes up and knows your here he’s gonna be mad.” So I left with no more exuses. No sooner than I made it to my house than she realized what I really done. I was sitting outside at our picnic table when I heard her walking towards my house saying she was going to beat my ass. Then her husband chimed in that he was gonna help and thats when I ran in and told my husband that her ol man was gonna beat me up. I didn;’t say nothing about her because honestly I deserved it. She walked up in my house with a butcher knife the first time and wanted to search me because she knew I kept my pills in my bra. So I let her pat mw dwn. Nothing came of that night as far as fighting goes. The cops weee called and I lied and told them I put her dog back in the house because he got out of an open window. Satisfied with my story for the time being they left me alone. My husband found the pills took and gave them back to her the next day. I told him to go ahead and do it. I still was charged and taken to jail. There I sat for almost 4 years. Not just because of the charges she pressed but because I was out on bond when I caught those charges. About 2 months of being in jail I was served with another warrant with a list of like 5-7 other charges from just her husband alone. She had no clue he did that. So the next time I spoke to my husband I told him what goes around comes around. Karma always does.
Another few month or 2 go by and I made my usual call home. As soon as my husband answered he told me I needed to watch what I say. I didn’t get ewhat her was saying until he told me. Mark (husband of neighbor I stole from) was in a terrible car wreck and it killed him. I immediately started crying and told him I never meant no harm to come to him much less him getting killed. He told me he knows I didn’t mean for that to happen when I said that. It still didn’t change the fact I felt like the biggest piece of shit ever. That night I sat down and wrote her an 8 page letter apologizing for all I had done to her an thst I was also sorry for her hudbands death. I’m happy to say she accepted my apology and didn’t go to the parole board to speak agaimst me getting out. She had planned on doing that before I wrote her that letter. Apologies go a long way especially when you truly mean it like I did.
So after about 4 months of being out I walked next door and apologizewd to her face and she hugged me and told me she forgave me. We again have been best buds since.
My husband couldn’t for the life of him, understand why I had such a huge urge to make ammends with her. Even after I explained it to him and the just of what it meant for me, he still couldn’t comprehend it. I finally told him if he had served 4 yrs of being incarcerated, he then might be able to understand why. To this day we are just as close as we were before I did that if not closer. It’s like it never even happened and we evewn joke about it too. All she ever eanted was for me to say I was sorry. That got me thinking if I would have done that from jump then she might not of pressed charges on me. But it was meant to be. The way I see it, she unknowingly saved my life. I went through 180 xanax in 2 days. I was literally begging death to come take me away. God made sure I’d never break any more promises of “I won’t do it any more”. After serving that much time away from any and everything, you have plenty of time on your hands to think and ponder on the things you have done wrong not just in your life, but to those you hurt, wronged stole from, lied to, just anything and everything will come into your mind and if your like me, then you’ll mentally kick your own ass over and over again. Let me tell you, I have kicked my own ass in the 3 1/2 yrs I was locked up, than whippings I got growing up. So if that tells you anything I beat myself up pretty bad.
The past is now in the past. That is where it is to remain. I have been forgiven by a lot of people I hurt and lied to. My kids were the most important one’s I was worried about forgiving me. They did it without hesitation. However I also haven’t made any promises to them that I won’t go back to jail. Vows I do make, promises I don’t but only because I have a tendency to break them every damn time. This coming October will be 3 yrs I have been home. I got released from probation early for good behavior, maintaining employment, and passing all drug screens. What! What! I thank God every day for the many blessings he has bestowed upon me and my family and friends. Without their undivided loyalty I’d not have made it this far. I’d of ended up back in the system sure as shit. But this time I actually had the will power and the mind set to want to not only be a better person, but to stay clean off benzo’s and live my life, to be apart of everyday life. Not sitting on the couch nodded out while life was just passing me by. Again, I’m not perfect by no means. A few months ago I relapsed on Xanax bars. The day I almost got fired from my job, was also the day I sobered my ass back up and made a vow to my GM that if I was given another chance I’d not let her down. I haven’t either. She inserted her foot in my ass and put me in my place. I love her for that. She don’t hardly know me at all, but cared enough to give me a 2nd chance.